A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for about 3 years now, and throughout the years we've had many fights about exes. He's always maintained friendships with his exes, but I have not. Its not that I hate my exes, its just that I don't think its healthy to maintain relationships with people you've had intimate relationships with. Anyways, because of the all of the fights that we've had, he broke up with me a week ago because he said "I don't trust him, I have to deal with my insecurities, we've had too many unnecessary fights and he's emotionally depleted because of it". I will admit to over-reacting to some things, but there are many I won't. For example, he told me that he wants to be able to hang out with his friends and his ex without me. I am not a clingy girlfriend in the sense that I have no problem with him hanging out with his friends without me. But when it comes to his ex, I want to at least be invited to mixes parties. Last weekend he went to his ex's sister's birthday party, and told me he didn't want me to come because he wouldn't be able to enjoy himself and he was doubting our entire relationship. So I sat at home by myself, well he stayed over in a hotel with his friends and his ex...He's also done things like have a drinking party at his house for him and his friends and his ex, and he excluded me. He said it was just going to be him and his friends, but other people brought their girlfriends that are not apart of that group of friends. He's also gone boating with his family and his ex's family, and told me I am totally over-reacting about it. We live 3 hours away, which is part of the problem why I am not invited to SOME THINGS. But other times, its just because he wants to have time alone with his friends. I value my time alone with my friends and I am comfortable with him spending time alone with all of his other friends, but I don't feel comfortable with him hanging out with his ex, so I like to feel included... I don't hang out with any of my exes, and if EVER I am going to a mix party, or a party where my ex might be there, I always invite him...Not too mention, she is best friends with his sister and his family, so when I am not invited, I feel more and more like an outsider in their family. His sister blocked me from corresponding with her because she thinks I am completely over-reacting about his relationship with his ex. So when I am allowed to hang out with his sister, friends and his ex, she talks to her and not me...I want to message him and try to work on our relationship, but I feel like's already said he's not interested in making compromises about these situations... What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This guy needs getting rid of big time,he dont want you if he did he would invite you everywhere with him but you not being there with him gives him what he wants to flirt and behave inapropiately with ex`s send him packing
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Its not that I don't trust him. I just think its disrespectful. And even if I had trust issues or was insecure about it, shouldn't he work to put me at ease. Excluding me from things is not the answer...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Based on the behavior he is displaying, I would have left him without a doubt, not even hesitating. Wants to meet his ex without you????? At a party??? You're not allowed to go??? This reeks of lack of loyalty and lack of love. If that man was mine, he wouldn't be mine anymore, that's for sure. People's loyalty standards are so lowered these days. In true love, believe me honey, you could spend every day with each other, and you would LOVE it, you wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
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A
female
reader, uglytruth  +, writes (3 December 2010):
He is so insensitive and had taken u for granted in all possible ways!! good tat de relationship is end, wat happiness and love can u get a person who is least bothered abt ur feelings, get outta his life, and look for some1 else who is matured enough and ready to get commited in all sense!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I think you should walk away. You're in an LDR that isn't working. Your feelings are justified, but so are his, and ultimately it does all come back to trust. It seems to me like the trust is gone.
A little story for you. My last GF still had contact with her "major" ex. By major I mean her only other long term relationship. I didn't particularly like it, but I didn't care that much either. She was also friends with his sister. Well, his sister was getting married and we were invited. I had no interest in going. Why on earth would I want to get to know her ex's family? Especially when I know they still wanted her and their son to get back together? No thanks! That's just too awkward for me.
The point I'm trying to make is that these kinds of friendships can put a strain on a relationship. Still, you should never force a decision of "them or me." Either you trust him or you don't. It really is that simple. If you try to force a decision, expect them to choose them most of the time. I always do and haven't regretted it yet.
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A
female
reader, lintmagnet +, writes (3 December 2010):
You have a right to your feelings, why should you compromise what is important to you? He does not sound mature enough to understand your insecurities. If he thinks he sould do whatever he wishes (even if he is just friends) without considering your feelings, what kind of happiness can you have with him? Most mature men do not seek or maintain close relationships with exes when they love a woman. Would he like you to do the same? Obviously, he does not have to worry about that. Why should you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): He is afraid of you creating a scene. You need to get over it otherwise you will never get an invite.
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