A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the record, I AM not in a LDR.I'm asking this because I constantly see people bashing long distance relations. Or when somebody says that they have a friend online, people immediately think the worst. I have been in LDRs when I was in 6th to 9th grade. But I will admit some of my BEST FRIENDS are online. Like, if I have a problem, they're the FIRST people I talk to.I just don't understand why people can't consider it like a normal friendship. I know that safety is an issue, but I have texted, called, and Skyped all of my online friends, and people STILL think it's wrong that I'd like to visit them one day. What's your opinion?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 If you've never met someone you don't know them that well. You may know everything about them, but you just can't know someone THAT well until you are in person with them. There is more to personality than what you say. So long as you are being VERY mindful of your safety, there's nothing wrong with having good friends online. But be aware of the fact part of the reason it's really easy to talk to online friends is because they are online and not in person. It's much easier to bare your soul to a computer and typing than to a live person. Part of the reason people that are not big on online friends as well is that you can't actually go do things outside of your house. You don't have shared common experiences together, which are what bond you to people.
Online friends can be really nice and it's fun to talk to people over IM and such, but they just cannot be a replacement to actual live people. I think online friends can fill a niche that even live people can't, like I said before it's MUCH easier to be vulnerable online than to a live person. It's nice to have that outlet. I don't say this as a "hater" or something, I have several friends who I talk to exclusively online (though I've met them all in person). I just think there's no substitute for being with people.
As for LDRs, online relationships and LDRs are very different. I don't think a purely online relationship can really happen. It's basically a friendship except that you've seen naked photos of each other. Like the friendship, you can't build a relationship on just talking. There need to be shared experiences together. A long distance relationship is a different thing since presumably you have spent time together and will regularly do so.
People bash long distance relationships because they are HARD. It is not the same as saying "I am with someone, they happen to be 1,000 miles away though." It is not something that should be maintained, it can really only work as a temporary situation that you have to get through. I had one year of long distance in my current relationship, and it only "worked" because we knew there was an end date. You shouldn't seek out a relationship that you don't have to be physically present in.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I am very active with many online FRIENDS... I have no issue with very long term long distance online FRIENDS....
I also have NO issue with folks who meet in real life and do not live in the same area deciding to try an LDR... I did that. We managed to survive just about ONE year being 2 hours apart by car. Once we knew it was going to be serious we started plans to move in together... we were married two weeks ago... but to do an LDR that is a ROMANCE requires a few things...
commitment
honesty
trust
communication
an ability to get together regularly (if VLDR no less than every three months but preferably monthly at bare minimum)
and most important a definite plan to close the distance
It's one thing to be friends with someone online... pen pals before the internet used to go years and years and years with nothing but paper letters... sometimes they never met... but they were friends... same with online friends...
the issue (for me at least) comes in with folks who meet online (say gaming) and then decide they are a couple. IT bothers me more when it's younger folks too... because they have no clue what romance is really like... they are playing a game but it can get all too real and they cut themselves off from active participation in real life.
An LDR where you have met, where you are adults where you have plans to end the distance... those I give creedence too.
16/17/18 year olds who post that they have met the person of their dreams online and they've been a couple for 9 months... and they can't stand it till they meet the person... that's not a relationship...
but if you have FRIENDS... go for it.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 October 2012):
I currently am and always have been very active online since I was a young teen. I have formed online friendships, some of which have been going on for 5 years or more. I eventually ended up meeting them in real life and it's been nice.
BUT when it comes to romantic relationships, it's a whole different deal. Meeting members of the opposite sex online and setting out on something like that has a lot of risks. Friendships can be easily formed and kept because you don't seek more from each other than fun and kinship. Relationships require much more, including intimacy.
That alone is a problem in LDR's. Plus, the comforting blanket of anonymity makes it easy to manipulate and be manipulated. There are a lot of predators online who will try to charm you with well thought out sentences and pretty pictures. And think about it, online you can be the version of yourself you want to be, but aren't. Your LDR partner gets to know a part of you, not the whole you. And the other way around you are falling in love with the idea of him, but not the real him including annoying habits.
Online friendships are fine and enriching even, but relationships that are founded in distance...it's a contradiction in itself and unless you meet up regularly in real life or have been together in real life before moving it online, cannot work in my opinion.
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