A
female
age
30-35,
*irstlove92
writes:I caught my boyfriend masturbating in the shower. I asked him if he thought about me then and he honestly answered no. It hurt me quite a bit because first of all I was home and I feel like he'd rather go fantasies about other girls than be with me. We've only been together for three years. I'm 23 years old. Is it because he doesn't find me attractive anymore or is it normal for guys to do that? I mean we're engaged so if it's because he doesn't find me attractive while I'm this young and probably the prettiest I'm ever going to be, how is he supposed to love me when I'm 50? Is our relationship doomed?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 February 2016):
 What a mountain over an ant hill. No, this doesn't mean anything. It's not a "guy thing", it's a universal human thing. I hardly ever fantasize about my boyfriend, Ive not really used real life people at all in my fantasy. My theory is that 1. people get turned on by different things and it doesn't mean anything, and 2. unimaginative people have to think of the known because they can't imagine something else, while imaginative people have an easier time picturing something different, and are hence more likely to fantasize about someone/something other than their partner. Does it mean anything? Not at all. Fantasy is not real life. If I was an author and wrote about a serial killer, it doesn't mean I want to kill someone. If I fantasize about someone other than my partner, doesn't mean I want to cheat or don't find my partner attractive. Just means I am creative.
So chill.. You NEED to understand the difference between fantasy and reality and not mix up the two.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 Nope. His fantasies doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Actually his fantasies might have very little to do with you or with "love".
When you are in a long term relationship with someone you stop noticing others. You still notice attractive people. Some still watch porn, even though they have a partner.
Now IF this masturbation messes with an otherwise good sex life (as in, he RATHER masturbate than have sex) then obviously you have a problem. Most people masturbate. And that is NOT about love. It's scratching an itch. Sating an urge.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 It is perfectly normal for a guy to masturbate. Did he actually say he was thinking of other girls? He might not have been thinking about anything. But even if he was you are the one with the ring on your finger. If he wasn't attracted to you do you think he would have proposed? Does he make you feel loved? You seem to base love on looks, which is strange as that is not what love is at all. Feelings go far deeper than what you look like.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2016): You asked a no-win question and got an answer you didn't like. Next time you want an ego boost post a hot picture of yourself and complain about how awful you look. Oh. And have you heard of knocking? In all seriousness, not everyone thinks of their S O when masturbating. Some people, like me, just think about quickly getting off without having to bother with anything else. Or, they're thinking about doing porn star in a way their girlfriend refuses to even try. Since the porn star isn't a person she doesn't count.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 Hi
Please don't torture yourself about this
If he had a bit more wisdom with regards to women's feelings he would have said yes of course I was thinking about you.
It was stupid of him because anyone would tell him that was a bad move and a school boy error.
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you!
Call me cynical but I can't imagine any guy beating off in the shower while thinking about their own partner. That is the nature of fantasy.
Please don't confuse it with real life x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2016): No way ... your relationship is not doomed at all!! Men often fantasise about other women when they are in a relationship it's completely normal. And it is no reflection on how he feels about you! And you're engaged so he obviously wants to be with you! If you look at it this way... if all he thought about was you and only you... then that might lead to boredom! I think about things other than my boyfriend when I masturbate... Men are visual and they need to spice it up!
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