A
male
age
41-50,
*ordyboy
writes:I have fallen in love and started a relationship with a girl 12 years my junior. i'm 31 and she is 19. We get on so well, we can talk to each other about anything, we share similar interests, we enjoy each others company. we both feel the same about each other and we just click, She has recently split up from her previous boyfriend but has got a 5 month old daughter by him, She still has a good relationship with babies father. She tells me she loves me but admits that she has never been in love before, she believes that this is love, but having o not been in love before has nothing to confirm her feelings. She clearly trusts me as she lets me look after her 5 month old child as a baby sitter. She lives with her parents and sister and i live with my parents following a previous relationship breakdown where i got very badly hurt. My problem is that she does not want to tell her parents about our relationship as she says they will not approve and will throw her and her daughter out or make their lives difficult. My parents approve of and are supportive of our relationship. I have told this girl that i love her very much and would do what i can to support her and her daughter, We are also best friends and and i have promised i will always be this no matter what happens. I'm currently in real emotional turmoil, I cant eat and feel constantly sick with worry about our whole situation. I dont want to hurt her and cannot be hurt again myself and at the same time i do not want to split up. I really want to be a proper man and go and talk to her parents and try to make them see that i'm not a threat to their little girl but infact want to have a relationship with her and make her happy. I want to look after them. However at the same time i fear my actions will push them over the edge and force them into causeing her grief and potentially throwing them out. I really need help, i'm struggling and making myself incredibly ill over the whole situation so any help would be greatly appriciated.
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best friend, live with my parents, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (27 September 2010):
fordyboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think i need to clarify some points, I'm not on a rebound relationship. I've been single for 6 years and have never been in a rush to be in a relationship. I would love to be able to afford my own place. I have a reasonable and respectable job working as an emergency unit nurse and I pay my parents £200 pound per month to live with them. My father got made redundant 4 years ago so i have to pay half the mortgage. It keeps a roof over my head and theirs, but to live alone i simply could not afford to with average rental on flats being £600 plus per month excluding bills. I'm not talking at this stage about finacially backing her or anything. I just want her parents to be able to see that i want to make their daughter happy. She deserves it and wants it but is scared to allow it to happen because of the potential for disruption. I never set out to fall for this girl or to want to get involved with her, it's the last thing i expected.
A
male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (27 September 2010):
fordyboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answer.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 well, her parents won't be a problem if they are ignorant about the situation and as it is, until she has enough money to support herself and her daughter in their own house, its going to have to stay this way. it is easiest, perhaps when she moves out of their home she can make your relationship known, but its understandable that parents aren't going to understand the age gap here.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (27 September 2010):
 You're kind of between a rock and a hard place!
Facts being that you are both old enough to make your own decisions, and there is no need to ask anyones parents for permission.
However. You are living with your parents also. How do you feel that you can convince her parents that you can take care of their daughter and grand daughter?
I'm not beating up on you, but rather stand back and look at this as if she were your daughter.
Would you maybe raise an eyebrow and wonder, how can this man provide for my daughter and grand daughter when he is in his 30's and living with his parents?
I'm sure the age gap is an issue also, though it should not be, but I think you are focusing on the wrong issue.
Something else to keep in mind. Being that she has recently split up with this other guy, and you just came out of a bad one also. Perhaps it would be a good idea to allow both of you some time to heal. A rebound relationship is never a healthy relationship! You said yourself, she doesn't know what love feels like.
What is the big hurry to get the parents involved? Why upset the apple cart?
Carry on and be her best friend. Don't rush anything! Maybe she is really in love with you, or maybe she thinks she is because you treat her good. Same goes for you!!!
As I said, be friends. Until you get yourself reestablished, you have no business trying to take on a woman and her child.
Before you go trying to pitch yourself to mom & dad: You may want to have a good product to sell them.
Work on you!
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