A
male
age
41-50,
Kawika
writes:Your Name:Date of Birth: Social Security Number:Height: Weight: IQ: GPA:Home Address: Phone Number:Blood Type: Medical Plan:True or False Questions:Do you have Parents?Is one male and the other female? If no, explain?If parents are less than your age, explain?Do you own or have access to a van?A waterbed?A pick-up with a mattress in the back?Do you have a tattoo?Any body piercings?Essay Questions:In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?Fill in the Blanks:If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:A woman's place is in the:When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:What is the going rate of a hotel room?DADDY'S RULE FOR DATINGRule #1: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule #2: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.Rule #3: I am aware it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please do not take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.Rule #4: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule #5: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "EARLY"Rule #6: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.Rule #7: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where there is ambient temperature warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, or a goose down parka-zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Rule#8: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be pot-bellied, balding, middle aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I own a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.Rule #9: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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female
reader, Jmo +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Someone should write on from a mother's perspective for permission to date their son. THAT would be hilarious!
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