A
female
age
41-50,
*oldBed
writes:Hello all, I need help determining what I should do about this man. We were together about 12 years ago when we were both in our teens. The relationship then was fun, passionate, spontaneous, and all other things that kept a smile on my face. Its the same now. I was young then and still living with my parents. He went to jail and we lost touch when my parents moved and he no longer had an address or phone number. When he got out of jail he moved to another city. Since then he has had 2 kids, been married and divorced, and now has a girlfriend for the last 5 years in the other city. A few of my relatives know a few of his, so when he came back he asked where I was. We talked on the phone, then hooked up for a date. We've been hangin tight for the last 4 months, almost everyday we're together and if we can't see each other then we're on the phone together. He only came back to this city because he found a good job and his girlfriend of the last 5 years is still in the other city. He tells me that he really missed me and was crazy about me back in the day and is still crazy about me now but he doesn't know what to do because of his current relationship of 5yrs with the other girl whom has helped him and been by his side through thick and thin. I can understand that, but where does that put me? Am I supposed to wait until they break up, whenever that may be? Should I just keep him as a close friend? But if I do that, then I may cheat on the next man! I'm so confused about this, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks to all in advance.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (24 December 2008):
 It know how confusing it can be but you have to keep your senses here. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! At this point he isn't giving up the girlfriend because he feels some obligation and possibly cares for her too. He feels a connection with you because of the past. It is possible that is why you feel so connected also. However sometimes it's possible for old feelings to resurface and be as genuine as in past.
This man needs to get his feelings and obligations in check. He MUST DECIDE to either let go of the present girlfriend or CHOOSE you. I don't think I would want to be caught in the middle. It really isn't fair to you and definantly not to his present girlfriend. He should have been thinking more clearly about all of this before ever involving you.
Be sure that the things he tells you about missing you and such are for REAL. Step back and allow him to make up his mind and don't let him use you for a PAWN in his game. Someone is ultimately going to be hurt here. If he leaves her for you then she will be hurt but if he chooses her over you then you will be. He really has the upper hand in any case here and my suggestion would be to act cautiously with concern about his affections or any promises that he might make.
As far as baggage, Who doesn't have? *LOL* However what he is dragging along in those packed bags may be ill-fated for you. Unless he breaks off with her completely, he isn't a free man and really has no rightin expecting you to compromise your integrity and heart for him. He perhaps is leading you on, or it's possible he isn't being truthful about the other girl. Take the time to find out and don't fall just anything.
You have to know hon that many times when a person tells a prospective mate things they are often covering up some real truths. Things like this is sometimes really a way of leading the other person on, for sake of their own personal gain. It may not always be the case but when they *CHEAT..and yes that's what he is doing, they could very well wind up DOING the SAME to YOU!
*Just a note....alot of times the person who seems the same after so many years, really becomes a different person but knows you well enough to tell you what you want to hear. It may not be the case here, but until he is FREE and until he shows YOU enough respect to not involve you in a Triangle of LOVE you should stay clear. The outcome most likely won't be good if you keep up with this sorrid romance. I don't want this to sound harsh but I don't want you to be hurt either. If you give things time perhaps it will change things all the way around. If not you won't have your ENTIRE HEART invested in a relationship that may never mature and give you back your deserved dividends.
Ask for God's Will in your life and HE WILL guide you if you only Walk IN FAITH.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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