| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I have been broken up for quite a while (not quite a year, but a few months) and he has been acting weird around me/ignoring me as we were just placed in a situation where we have to see each other every day after a long break of no contact. i thought he was angry with me/didn't like me, but I recently found out his behavoir is going on because he's still in love with me and regrets dumping me, however I'd made it clear I didn't want to be with him. I don't want to be with him, but I will always have feelings for him. i just can't get past how he ended things (he was a good boyfriend though) and the fact that he ran to another girl 3 weeks after he dumped me. there are other external factors that play to why i can't date him though.at any rate, i want things to be comfortable, but he freaks out constantly around me (as in acts really nervous and has to leave) and it was fine with me for a while, but it now makes ME uncomfortable. Is there a way I can fix this? We do hang out with a lot of the same people though, so it makes it very uncomfortable for me to have him stare at me or act funny or just not show up when I know he's invited. Is there anything i can do, or just leave it be?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): This uneasiness might be that there is some unfinished things between you in his eyes if not yours talk to him and lay the relationship completely to rest....it could just be that he is so use to being with you when you wee seeing these friends that it is just something he is finding hard to get use to..just takes time to adjust to a new life without that person you were always spending it with.
A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 This is not your responsibility. He sounds manipulative and seems to like the control he has over you. The best thing you could do no matter what he does is act as if he is not there. Nothing will stop this better than his acting the drama queen while you never notice. If he stares, ask "Is there a problem? If yes, please stop the games and just say it. This is very unappealing." If he wants you to figure it out, refuse.
We have our words for a reason and if he is older than 7, he can use them. Otherwise, he is trying to make you uncomfortable and when he does, he wins in his mind. We train others how to treat us, so if you don't like the drama (and healthy people, don't) make sure to snuff it out with you ignoring the behavior. If he escalates, give him a look of unbelief and pity. Shake your head as if you think, wow, what was I thinking.
Just remember, you don't owe him anything -even if you dumped him! People break up all the time. So go train him to respect you- rise above this because others are taking note. If you command maturity and respect, you will make a statement to the world that you won't put up with emotional abuse... no matter the reason. You are no pushover and- it is about him and has nothing to do with you and you have no magical power to control it. In fact, giving him the attention he wants will only encourage him.
If he secretly wants you back, it is very immature and should be a big red flag that he chooses to make you unhappy or wants to hurt you in any way to let you know. This is not, nor was it about love, keep that in mind. It is about manipulation. You deserve more and the sooner he learns this the happier he will be too!
...............................
A
reader, pops +, writes (15 October 2005):
Talk to him about his nervousness. Tell him to relax. Ask him why he is nervous being around you? Be a friend, so he can get on with working with you. I suspect he is just worried about doing something that will set you off. Or he may still have a lot of feelings about you, and can't talk to you about them. He doesn't want to be rejected.
...............................
|
