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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a bad relationship with my mother.I'm 18 years old, going to university in Septemeber but right now this relationship makes me feel sad. Last year I had a few problems. I got involved with a teacher at school and my mum found out and helped me through it all, got me counselling etc.The reason I got into this unhealthy relationship with a teacher was because I wasn't getting enough love and validation from my mother in particular.Anyway... It's just now I'm aware of the problems between us it makes me so upset - my mum barely knows me, shes a total control freak and takes out all her problems on me - she blames this relationship with a teacher for her anger and upset which makes me feel so guilty and ashamed.I always feel like I've let her down and that I'll never be as perfect as my 2nd younger sister and it just makes me so angry/sad.Anyone got any suggestions to make me feel better?
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female
reader, Poor_Choice +, writes (25 March 2006):
Im sorry but I have to play devils advocate for a minute, you say got into this unhealthy relationship with a teacher... but then you also say your mum helped you through it. You're lucky your mum was there for you!
My mum and I where at each other like cat and dog before I went off to uni, the distance between you will do you some good, it'll also give your mum a chance to see that you've grown up and you're taking your course seriously! it also means that your not living in each others pockets and you'll appreciate the time you do get together even more!
above all dont dwell on the past and dont blame your mum for the mistakes you've made! make positive moves!
A
female
reader, MissAgonyAunt +, writes (19 March 2006):
 Darlin all u gotta do is spend some time with your mother i had that problem aswell not like with the teacher but not getting along with her.I opened my eyes and relised uve gotta make as much time as u can wiv ure mother and spend time do mother n daughter thins such as go for lunch watch movies shopping she luvs u she mite not show it but she duz she just wants her little girl bak and by doin that spending time wiv her good luck and a hope it works out darlin xxx keep in touch x
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A
female
reader, MissAgonyAunt +, writes (19 March 2006):
Darlin all u gotta do is spend some time with your mother i had that problem aswell not like with the teacher but not getting along with her.I opened my eyes and relised uve gotta make as much time as u can wiv ure mother and spend time do mother n daughter thins such as go for lunch watch movies shopping she luvs u she mite not show it but she duz she just wants her little girl bak and by doin that spending time wiv her good luck and a hope it works out darlin xxx keep in touch x
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A
female
reader, Her to help +, writes (19 March 2006):
 Tell your mum you want to be friends but for that to happen you both need to listen to each other most family relationships happen because of no listening so both just try to listen to each other wenether you can
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A
female
reader, vixsfix +, writes (19 March 2006):
 Quality time. You need to build a realtionship with your mum, so that you can build up trust,love, support and approval. You need to talk to her, go out with her and just generally be there for her, as much as you need her to be there for you.I suggest taking an hour out for just you and your mum, something that you both enjoy, once a week, this could be a constructive class like areobics, at the gym, or just going to the cinema or out for lunch.The friend in my group who has the best relationship with her mum goes out for lunch with her every saturday, if they can't make a saturday they rearrange it for another time.This will help you to open up to each other and get to know each other. It might be a little awkward at first but she's your mum and definetly worth the effort.You could start by making mothers day really special. Get her some personal gifts, take over the housework for the day or take her out somewhere.If you have special memories from the past try to build on them. On a quiet night in get the family photo albums out and talk about the good old times - you'll be surprised by how much your mum will share and the warmth you will feel.I hope this helps. x x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Every teen has their ups and downs with their mums, but this case is a little more serious. All you can do is keep being nice to her, and letting her know how you feel until she can see things from your point of view and come round.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Talk to her. It's only going to get worse unless you do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): She's got no right to behave like this because you deserve better. Maybe you should take her to the computer and show her this letter that you've written on Dear Cupid. That way, she can see how you feel. If you can't do that, then write her a note telling her how you feel. She's obviously a little bit stressed at the moment with you leaving to go to Uni, so make sure she feels loved, and make sure she knows that you want to feel loved too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Put up with it until she feels better, she'll be glad that you stuck by her. Buy her little presents and gifts. Just little things like chocolte or flowers. Explain to her that you don't want to go to University with bad feelings towards her. Tell her that you wish she could treat you a little bit better because at the moment she's making you feel a little bit unloved. Hopefully, she'll come round eventually.
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