A
female
age
41-50,
*IERIN
writes:Anyone has an idea what is "abandoned child syndrome" for an adult guy, who was left by his cheating mother. Now he hates her and lives only for his father ... his relationships are great .. but least exactly year and a month, and he dumps the girls!!!!! Anyone knows anything about this?? I already posted a question about it, but no one answered!!!!!! PLS[Added from the same user]Hi Aunts and UnclesI have a serious question for you guys. Please just serious answers !!!I have a feeling, that my bf has a "abandoned child syndrome" and I have no idea what to do. His mother left his father when he was 10years old. She was cheating on his father for years. Fighting to get my BF in her care, but the father won him (they are a Greek family). He loves his father and he is his only thing in life (which is kinda scary too). He hates his mother and thinks of her badly. She has been coming back and forward for those couple of years from divorce (more than 12years now). Every year for about 2 months, but than she leaves them over and over again. The father loves her and thats why he always takes her back. My BF can't take it anymore .... Now the problemAll his relationships (my BF) ended EXACTLY after one year and a month !!!!! Which was always after a sertain time, when the girls started expecting little more seriousnes in the relationship and expected some actions. I wasn't different.He left me month ago. I know he loves me more than anything. He had no reason to break up with me, he doesnt understand himself why he did that. We dont speek and we dont see each other at the moment. The problem is. I know he has an issue. I know there is a help for it, but I dont know WHAT TO DO! I love him, I really do. We have planed everyhting together. And I know he LOVES ME ... but I dont know how to get him back .. and if not getting him back than at least helping him somehow ... Does anyone have any knowledge of this syndrome?? Or was anyone in the same position as I am ???thank you all very very much!!!!!!''Lierin
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Good luck, sweety. You are strong and I respect that. You will be okay...I just know you will! Best wishes for your future happiness.
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (25 September 2008):
LIERIN is verified as being by the original poster of the question to Irish49
thank you sooo much for your help. I absolutely agree with everything you wrote.
He is very difficult and he always was. His story is lil different I guess. He is Greek, raced by a very Greek father. There wasn't only this "syndrome" problem, but also the whole backgrownd ...
I mean, after all I think its better it happend this way. It hurts (and every break up hurts no matter why did it happen) ... but I know there is something else infront of me, and now I just have to find it, or maybe it will find me.
I am not trying to change him .. I never was. I loved him the way he was.
He was a great loving person and was always there for me. He went for voccation for a week w his fatehr .. and came back .. totaly different person. I am sure there is much more to it, than he is saying .. but its ok ..
I still care and love him ...
But I am who I am .. and like you said, I should be loved no matter what. And so I am leting things go. And if its ment to be, it will come back, if its not ment to be, it wont and something else will come around
Thank you guys!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): He can hate his Mother all he wants. And he will, until he gets some help for his issues he exsperienced with this woman. But he doesn't have to be discouraged by all wonderful, loving females that enter his life. There are those of us who have been abandoned by a parent, causing one to often feel uncomfortable and anxious much of the time, when we get into love relationships. Almost committment phobic. This could be him. But honestly, if you or he think his problems are truely 'abandonment issues', then I suppose he's the only one who can help himself, to get through this. He could use some enlightenment from a counselor as to why he continually does this.
Leiren, there are many people, in this world, that were raised in single parent families, who have been abandoned by one parent and many of them go through their life, healthily because they mature, they develop their worldview and most importantly, they rationalize their painful feelings and decide to become a stronger person, as a result. In other words, they make a oath to themselves, nbever to repeat the mistakes of an errant parent...and they can carry on to commit to another in a loving, solid way.
I think, you are examining the blueprint of this relationship. And you should be doing that. I know it hurts you to be yet, another 'dumpee' in his life. We all want to be that special person, who is loved by the man we love. . But this guy....such a complicated man!. This man appears to need to progress through an 'evolution' of sorts, he needs to become independent and autonomous from what occurred to him, in his family. As an adulyt male, he is responsible for dealing with his own problems. He'll have to get off his butt and create something in his world, that gives him courage to finally work through this issue. I can't see how proud he must be of himself to keep dumping females out of his life, once they begin asking for more committment. It's a devastating pattern, he's gotten himself into. He should talk this through with the lady in his life, learn to communicate maturely, express his feelings and just stop hurting people who love him.. The only way he can motivate himself to doing this, is from rational, clear, mature thinking. If he doesn't do this, then there will always be pain in the lives of people, he becomes involved with.
I am sorry for the depth of loss and pain you must be experiencing. I know you love him and you believe, he loves you. I guess I just think that when someone states they love a person, nothing and I mean, nothing will stop them from being with that person. And being told to you that he 'loves you' is cruel in a way, because you are now left sitting there, grasping for some form of hope that a reconciliation may take place. Did it happen before with his other relationships? You have to be realistic and look at past hoistorical behavior, here. I always state to men/women, don't lose pieces of yourself for little in return. It's simply not worth it. He's far too complicated..to love in a healthy way. Work through your pain, heal, recover and move on. Don't become one those girls who attain attain value to a man...any man, iregardless of his imperfections. And possibly, not 'trusting females as a whole' is a biggie! Don't try to fix him...he has to get there all on his own. If you really want to help him, all you can do, take down the phone number of a good counseling service, give it to him. Then he 'chooses'. Let's hope it's the more healthier choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Yes another name for it is 'not wanting to get serious'
Move on there is nothing wrong with this guy.
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