A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is there anyone out there who looks (from the outside) that their life is really working perfectly for them? Is there anyone out there that is successful, accomplished and in a so-called great relationship, but isn't truely happy?It seems that everyone I went to school with has their lives on track and moving in many exciting directions, except for me. I've always been mostly content with things, but never done anything much - lived the simple life really.. and I guess when I see what other people have done, I feel I've been unproductive.I was just wondering whether any of those people out there that have what looks like a fantastic life from the outside are secretly insecure or generally unhappy?I guess you don't want to think everyone has it completely sorted and you're the only one still fumbling in the dark.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): Wow! Thanks guys!! This advice is amazing.
SeeingStars.. I think you're my kindred spirit. Yes, you've described EXACTLY how I feel.
I am happy enough in my life and believe in following my heart. I've recently finished a degree and won several special awards in the field I studied. Instead of pursueing the industry I am now qualified in, the year of practical experience in the field showed me it just wasn't ME.. that it wouldn't make me HAPPY.. and if I chose that path, full of politics and the extremely negative people, I would hate myself for it. So, I've taken a job that allows me to have the work/life balance.. not to mention it's twice the salary.. so I have the time and money to enjoy LIFE more.
I hear about the girls I went to school with and so many of them are doctors, or lawyers now. I IMMEDIATELY turn it in on myself.. asking myself (like you said).. why I haven't done more. But you're right.. it doesn't make them HAPPY. I could be successful if I worked hard at what I studied.. but I knew I would wake up in five years and look back at that time and regret working 12 hour days at a job I'm not passionate about.
So, I guess I make the right decisions for MY life and following MY heart.. but it's when you start measuring your progress against others that you turn it in on yourself.. and when you do that.. you worry that you're not happy and become confused.
Us women are complicated creatures aren't we!?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I am not one of the people you describe, in fact I think I can relate more to your situation. I know what you mean about how it can seem like everyone else is moving forward in their lives, and you feel inferior next to them. I get that too. Due to various circumstances, I have never really been successful in terms of work, relationships, or socialising. I look at the people I grew up with, or have known for a while, and it seems like they have come so far, while I on the other hand have stayed in the same place. Whether that is true or not, I don't know. Yes, they have physically and in a material sense moved forward...but are they any happier for it? I don't know. Maybe some are, maybe some are not.
How do you feel though? About your life, I mean? Apart from comparing yourself to others, are you happy or content with your life? If not, what would you like to be doing? I think anything is possible, if you really want something. But if you are happy, and feel okay with your life, then I think that is the most important thing. Even though I may not be seen as "successful" in my life by society's standards, I am still fairly content. It is just when I start to compare myself to other people, or think about the general expectations of society...that is when I start to feel distressed, and start to put pressure on myself that I should be doing "more".
So really, if you yourself are happy, that is the main thing. I do honestly think that it comes from within, and that no matter what you may have in your life, even if it seems you have "everything", you can still be horribly unhappy and feel empty. It really does have to come from within you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 August 2010):
He's a sad number that will put it into perspective. Research recently said that the biggest regret women collectively had is marrying the wrong man. 70% of women claim they're with the wrong man. So you're truly not alone at all. There are a lot of people who are unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I know a lot of successful people who claim not to be completely happy. An acquaintance of mine divorced her husband for no reason, they seemed to be happy, they had a nice house, they had a successful business, and these were her words, "I just wasn't feeling it; I never did". And to me that's disturbing. I think that you need to find your passion; what things would you love to be doing? And once you figure it out, pursue those things! And most important, GIVE. Give to others. Find ways to impact people with your life in a positive way, by helping them and encouraging them. Most of the times the reason we are unhappy is because we live empty lives that have no purpose.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I think what you're describing is incredibly common. Look, as much as you're encouraged to be open and get help if you're unhappy, the fact is that people want to project an image of success. Admitting that things are less than perfect conflicts with that image, so people cover it up.
I can't tell you how many people I know who were successful and felt like frauds, just waiting for their guilty secret to be discovered. People who, if something worked out, thought it must be luck, not skill or effort, because after all everyone else out there is so perfect and I'm just this quivering mass of insecurity. That doesn't apply to the arrogant egotists, of course, but it does apply to a lot of the rest of us.
No, not everyone else has it sorted. There's a ton of fumbling in the dark going on. You have lots of company, you just can't see them in the dark.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): So what if they actually do have these perfect lives and are happy? Our society encourages you to compare yourself with others, but it's unhealthy. Instead of asking yourself if other people aren't secretly worse off than yourself, maybe you should ask yourself if you're happy with the life you have. And I don't mean the kind of "my life is not how society dictates it should be, so I can't allow myself to be happy" reasoning. Are you or aren't you content with who you are and where you are? If you're not, figure out what's missing from your life and if you can obtain it. If you think you can't obtain it, think again. Maybe you should question your idea of happiness.
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