A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Anyone else ever feel sick and tired of "trying"? First off, I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anything, and second, I'm not looking for sympathy, just, if anyone else can relate...I've been thinking about my life a lot lately and how less-than-mediocre it has been up until this point (I'm 26) and how fed-up I'm getting with constantly having to 'try'. It's like I'm constantly 'trying' in all areas to make improvements - like most of us do - yet it seems as though I'm never going anywhere. Just spinning my wheels. Taking one step forward, one step back ( and occasionally two). I chalk it up sometimes to 'bad-luck', but it seems like it's just me, for whatever reason(s). I see others (my age, older, younger), all the time, seemingly moving onward and upward with little ease and it drives me nuts sometimes (I know, I know, "race your own race", don't get jealous, don't be a "hater" etc., but it's frustrating...imagine going to a restaurant and everyone around you is constantly getting nicely prepared steak from the kitchen while you're getting a can of spam...and being told, "don't complain"...and yes I'm aware, some don't even get "a can of spam" in this world, but still) I'll give you guys some examples of what I mean...I graduated from University (with a business degree, not some arts degree) in the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression and it took me forever to find a job after being rejected from practically everywhere. I now work in the hospitality industry (white-collar job, but low-grade pay) and have been there for a little less than two years. I'm grateful for the opportunity, but it's more or less a dead-end job, without room for advancement. I've tried applying myself to other postings I see every so often, but none of them ever work out. I don't really mind my job and I do work hard by putting in more hours than average each week, but the more you make, the more you get taxed by the gov for services you never use. It's like trying and wasting your time (45+ hours/week) for no reason. The only jobs that seem to pay fairly well nowadays are government union jobs (which are extremely hard to get - I've tried - as each job posting gets 1000s of applicants since the pay grade is so damn high) or professional-services jobs (which require going back to school and trying for another degree in the areas I'm not crazy about - accounting, investment, legal, medicine, pharma, engineering etc - and can't afford regardless thanks to the $30K in debt I racked up on my first degree). And ontop of it all, I live in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the world (average house is $575,000 here), which makes the goal of home-ownership nearly impossible despite doing all the right things like living within my means, forgoing outings and entertainment typical of a mid-20-year-old, saving money each pay (I rent a basement apartment and most of my income goes to just putting a roof over my head). There is cheaper housing outside the city, but you're looking at a 3 hour+ commute each day (to and from) and given our Canadian winters, that's not the safest option. So economically I'm moving at snails-pace... Relationship-wise, I've tried - believe me - and nothing ever works out in that area (been single for about 8 years). People say I've got a great personality, but in the looks department...not so much. I've tried meeting women everywhere: social events, bars/clubs, parties, through friends, school etc. It just seems women aren't interested. Heck, I've even tried online dating, and checking my 'sent messages' just now, despite sending over 1,200 (respectful) messages to over 1,200 unique profiles, I've gotten nothing more than a handful of interesting conversations that never panned out to anything more. Then, with regards to trying to improve myself physically, again, nothing has worked out too well either. I'm not obese or even overweight, just average with chest and stomach flab, which seems more genetic than anything. I've spent close to $2,500 on gym memberships over the last 5 years, try my best to eat right, and while, I feel stronger, my physique hasn't changed much. And despite being 26 and , again, trying everything, I still suffer from moderate-acne (I've used everything in stores, seen 2 doctors, a dermatologist, skin specialists, you name it, I've done it). People say, "you'll grow out of it" but I can't imagine when any more? In summary: no money, no love, no sex, no great health.I'm trying to make things better (and have faith one day it will), but when you're seemingly constantly pushing rocks uphill, you get tired of it all. Lastly...I reminded of a conversation between George and Kramer on the sitcom Seinfeld that seems to hit home...Kramer: Do you have a job? George: NoKramer: You got money? George: NoKramer: Do you have a woman? George: NoKramer: Do you have any prospects? George: NoKramer: Do you got anything on the horizon? George: Uh....noKramer: Do you have any action at all? George: NoKramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for getting up in the morning? George: ...I like to get the daily news. Same here, but you can't go through life just reading the paper, right?
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cheap, debt, depressed, jealous, money, overweight, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 April 2015):
 I hear you. Well, not on all points, but I do understand that feeling of everyone moving forward but you being stuck.
I keep my sanity and good spirits by thinking of how full of shit other people actually are. They brag and brag and brag, and makes it seem so easy. But it's all on the outside, trust me. They're just as screwed up as everyone else, and are all mediocre just like the rest of us.
An example. A friend of a friend of mine. She's married, got a kid, has a GIANT apartment in one of the most expensive areas in the city (It cost about 8 million NOK, which should be about 1,2 million dollars?). But what's her reality? She's not done with her degree at the age of 31, she's unemployed and on welfare, and the house actually belongs to her parents who paid for it. The husband also has a kid from a previous marriage, which comes with an ex wife who is a cause of constant argument and drama. And that's just the things she's open and honest about! Imagine what lurks underneath, the things she doesn't want to share...
Not to rain on her parade, but just to give you some insight into the reality of peoples lives. They're not as successful as it may seem.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 April 2015):
 Question: "Anyone else ever feel sick and tired of "trying"?"
Answer: Nope. Never. Started trying - all sorts of things - when I was a little kid.... continued through life... and never felt that "trying" was anything other than its own reward.....
Good luck...
P.S. I am now living a comfortable retirement... all because I "tried."
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 April 2015):
 Yeah,yeah,yeah...life sucks and then you die...Ever just go to the beach and watch the waves? Ever climb a mountain and stare at the clouds? Sounds like a "no" to me. Look around the world is a beautiful place. Fish, birds, dogs,cats. Get a grip dude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): Reading your post made me depressed.So much negativity! This is coming from someone your age who also studied business management and currently not earning much.First things first, I think you need to separate the things that you can't change from those that you can.Then make your peace with the former and go about working on the latter.There is such a thing as investing futile hard work. Ie expending energy on the wrong things with little to no ROI. You say you've spent x amount of money paying for the gym. But did you research the right exercises? Did you check you were doing them properly? Did you do them consistently? Did you get a personal trainer for at least a couple of sessions to get some good techniques and feedback? Did you find friends to go to the gym with? I've spent a lot on the gym but I never go so I take full responsibility for the not so sexy and not so healthy body I have. For this example, I'd say really look at whether you are being efficient. 'I've tried applying myself to other postings I see every so often, but none of them ever work out.'Do you ever get called for interviews? Or does your CV get thrown out right off the bat? If you don't even get called for interviews then you need to do a root cause analyse on your applications. Are you applying for jobs that you are qualified for? Have a passion for? Have experience in? (volunteering and interning counts) Have you been attending conferences and recruitment events to meet the people who hire and find out what they look for? Have you networked to get a foot in the door? Shadowed anyone? Have you had a professional look over your CV formatting, grammar, layout etc? 'I don't really mind my job and I do work hard by putting in more hours than average each week, but the more you make, the more you get taxed by the gov for services you never use. It's like trying and wasting your time (45+ hours/week) for no reason.'This fits squarely in the 'things you can't change' camp. You decide whether you prefer earning a little and paying little taxes or earning lots and paying lots of taxes. You can always vote but the change, if any, won't be immediate. That house you want won't pay for itself. You are already doing the right things to save your deposit for your mortgage. Be proud of yourself for that. I'm not sure about you, but most people I know start small when buying a house and then upgrade by selling and buying a bigger place. That might be more achievable than aiming for the house of your dreams right from the get go. As for dating, 8 years of no one being interested in you as a sociable young healthy male with a steady job? I find that hard to believe. I think you're quite stuck in this negative way of thinking that you've stopped seeing the good. I think you just don't realise or you are so persimistic that you give up before you've even pursued someone who's making eyes at you.I think the problem is in your head. Honestly, I think you are looking at your situation in the worstly light possible and that in turn makes it harder to improve it. Don't set impossible goals for yourself. Make sure you invest your time, money and effort in the things that actually make a difference. You will tire yourself out spinning your wheels like this.Yes it's a shitty economy and houses are expensive and taxes are high and you haven't found love (yet). So? That's the reality of young people across the world but they didn't let that stop them from trying. Or at least enjoying what little they had to celebrate.This sounds silly but find something each day that you are grateful for or that you are happy about or that you are proud of. Give yourself some credit for the things you are doing right. You only get this one life. Don't waste it being miserable.Yours,25, MSc in Business and underemployed but still happy and hopeful because I'm getting interviews.
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