A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there this is quite a silly question but im not sure what I should be doing. I met a guy a week ago at a wedding and ever since I cant stop thinking about him, we talk ever day all the time. Thing is I felt this bond with him almost instantly I felt butterflys when he kissed me the full works something I have never felt and I know I need to calm down these feelings and its so hard because im starting to fall for him already which is too scary for me after a week. I dont want to lose this guy by being too heavy. He feels the same about me which is good but any tips on how to handle this so he doesnt go running.Thanks for listeningx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): Firstly, congratulations on finding happiness with a potential great guy, here. Isn't it a great feeling-- those first intense, fluttery feelings of romantic infatuation. Infatuation is what you are feeling right now. I know that because you fear losing him if you move too fast. If this was a real, solid, genuine love, you wouldn't have those fearful feelings. You would be secure and safe. But sensibly, you both aren't there yet. The love will come later, if you wait and play your cards right. First of all, alot of guys tend to be cautious about exposing their true feelings but they do show it by behaviorsand actions...especially by constant, resaonable contact, attention and wanting to spend a lot of his time with you. They are striving to get to know you. So you have to do the same. I want you to have fun, laugh, smile, bring out the best of you and enjoy every second of the attention, he is giving you but do not do the following things right away. 1) do not ask him for a committment. You do not have the right to do that. Give this time to grow and develop and in time, that will fall into place. I say about 4-6 months. 2) do not tell him you love him. Those words will be said when the time is right. It will be at the time when you can be totally your absolute true self..no fake first impressions and you both will know when the time is right 3) Do not tell him about any past relationships eg: you cheated or anything where you may have hurt someone. That is not any of his business, for now. Tell him later when you are on solid footing. If he asks, tell him "I will tell you about that later when we date and get to know wach other better-let's focus on just what we share, in the here and now." This will also tell him you will not ask him questions of this nature and you expect him to do the same. You must absolutely gain his respect. That is critical. So act respectfully, with integrity, be truthful, be honest and behave with confidence...all the time. But most of all have fun! 4) Do not sleep nor have sex with him anytime, too soon. Sex drives the heart for many a woman...and it will knock you off balance and he may not respect you if you agree to it too soon. If he respects you, thinks you are special..he will not pressure you. Again, I will state-gain his respectand please don'tsleep with him until you respect him.
Be strong-resist the urge to over contact him all the time. Men love to pursue. Let him do the calling and coming after you. Make him work hard for you-you are worth it! If he is not calling as often as you like, do things to distract your mind from calling him. It will be hard..it will be hellish but do it. Remember, he has a life beyond you right now and you are both deciding whether you are good for each other. You're just getting to know this guy and vice versa. Keep things casual, light, fun-loving, cheerful, positive and very important, non-demanding. But don't allow him to treat you badly, eityher. If he stops calling you even after you have done all that is right, then it means he's not interested anymoreand there is nothing you can do about it. Dating is a selection process to finding who is best for our life and future. At this stage, you will be both looking for reasons to either press forward or stop. Just remember that and the best thing you can do...don't get over zealous and don't fall too hard, tto fast. I can assure you-he will be doing this. Keep your smarts and wits about you...use your head.
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