A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now - and its fantastic. Generally. We barely argue ever, but everypne has their ups and downs.ANYWAY. I'm bi. My first 'relationships' (continuous hookups for several months?) were with my two best friends at the time. It was open, and completely secret. We'd tell our parents we were on the computer, but in reality we were totally getting it on. I've been attracted to many of my girl friends, (straight, lesbian, and bi)for quite a while now. I get romantic urges with some, and with others quite strong sexual urges. However, there is still the constant horniness for my boyfriend. Hense the bi-theory. Two of my close friends know I'm at least bi-curious, but I havent come out as bi to anyone.My problem is, since I came to identify as bi to MYSELF, I've felt like im being unfaithful to my boyfriend. Not because of the being attracted to my friends thing (we've got a rule where we can look all we want, and comment, as long as we dont touch), but because I have this big secret I dont want to share with him. He knows I'm keeping something from him, and hes said how it makes him upset, but he's kind of homophobic. He is uncomfortable being in the same room as gay guys, and while he and I have a mutual close bi friend (who thinks im "rediculously hot," dispite her own boyfriend) and hes cool with her sexuality, he gets uncomfortable when she starts talkign about whos hot or not. Therein lies my worry: I dont want to lose this boy for anything, but I want him to be comfortable with the whole me. I'm really conscerned about this.Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): if you "like like" this boy you would be sure that he would like not cause your bi casue your his gurlfreind he would not care about your bi ness.
A
female
reader, rootsreggaerocknroll  +, writes (28 March 2008):
darling, if he doesnt accept you for who you are then he isnt the guy for you! tell him you are bi and you are attracted to women BUT (and emphasise this bit) you are faithful to him and would never cheat!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): If he is your boyfriend and loves you then he will accept you for who you are. And just because he will know that you're bi won't mean that your personality is any different. And he should see that!
Also, just becasue u like girls too doesn't mean you will cheat on him or like a girl instead of him, hopefully he won't have a problem with this.
It's best to be honest, and tell him these things, especially if he is losing trust in you- you don't want that to happen!
Good luck! Keep us posted!
xx Hope xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Honey, you can't lie to him about such a big thing. This isn't just a short white lie, it's a continuous part of you, and really he deserves to know. If he decides it's too hard to be with you because you're bi (then he has problems), then at least you see him for who he really is. If he really loved you, he wouldn't finish with you over just, well, a little thing. He's told you it upsets him, and the worst feeling in the world is knowing that someone so close to you is hiding things.
The longer you hold this from him, the more trust he could end up losing in you. In the end, you've got to have a big old chat with yourself about what you want to do. Are you willing to risk yourself, and open up? I think this would be the best thing to do. Or do you, in a way, want to trick him into liking you, make him upset as he knows somethings going on, and hide it from him?
It's your choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is apart of you. Tell him. Anyway its wrong he's homophobic in this damn age
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Perhaps he is just afraid that he'll get hit on by a guy? It does get awkward. But well, It's not always good to hold in secrets. If you tell him later, it may feel like you havent been truthful. Or if he finds out as well, it can be viewed that way. But I think it's a tad normal to get uncomfortable to hear your partner talking about who is hot or not due to the fact that it make him feel insecure. But you being bi also opens the can of worms that he has to worry about guys and girls replacing him.
In the end, you need to decide whether you want to open up to him or not. You need to ask if you are being honest to him and yourself.. Do you think he'll run away from you? Is it worth the risk? What if he finds out later? I dont know if that helps much, but well that's just what I think right now.
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