A
male
age
30-35,
*letcher
writes:Soooo my i have been dating this girl for about 6 months or so. Its long distance due to my college. Im about 2 hours away but we see each other every weekend. Just here this past week she told me she is getting bored of doing the same old things and that she wants more to talk about. She doesn't seem tobe trying very hard to work on fixing these problems. I think she just doesn't care very much. My spring break starts today and Im going to see her for a week. Any suggestions on how I can reignite the spark and maybe talk things out with her? I love her dearly and any answers might help. Thanks :)
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 March 2011):
 if she is sick of the LDR aspect, and she's relying too much on you to provide the excitement in her life, and missing the close personal contact she previouly enjoyed with you, then she would have problems with any LDR.
But you love her dearly. So i will try to address this problem. But any solution may be short term, if she is also not
prepared to address her neediness. You are not responsible for providing all the spark in this relationship.
Also I am not sure of her age, so that will affect my answer and i will err on the side of cautiion.
1. Consider anything/activity that she really loves, and if you can add that into the mix, then do that, taking into account that you are a student, so funds are limited.
2. Write her a poem about what she means to you. Tuck the poem inside a card and attach that to a bunch of fresh flowers for her.
3. Very gently wash her feet in warm water. Pat dry. Then give her a truly gorgeous very long foot massage, using fingers, hands, your tongue, your eye lashes kissing her feet. Then finish with a lovely smelling body moisturer. If she does not enjoy this she is not in touch with her sensuality. (that's not a good thing)
4.Find a beautiful beaty spot and take her there. Walk around it. Talk and listen to her about things that are important to both of you. Then share a home made lunch you made (at home) and include things in the lunch that she enjoys, and nothing she dislikes
5. How tidy is she? If there are things that need sorting out then offer to help her sort things out. A tidy room without clutter and with everything put away can make anyone feel calmer and happier. .
6.visit a local historic property that is open for visitors (and is not too expensive to visit)
6. How are her studies going? What projects is she involved in. Get her to show you more about what she has been up to, and show interest in what she has done well. If she is researching any project offer to go to the library with her and research with her for an hour at the library.
7. Ask her what she needs and wants from you? Listen to her carefully.
8. Hand her a blank small journal. Ask her to jot down, briefly, instantly, in that book anything she wants to do, say, remind, suggest, ask of you. Such thoughts can be written instantly she thinks of anything pertaining to her relationship with you. Then when you meet you can read though and get a real sense of what is bothering her, and when. Writing it down briefly, instantly, may defuse some of the tension of missing you.
9. If you can afford it, purchase a voucher for one hour at a day spa, to be spent on anthing she likes, and hand it to her in a card you give her as a parting (until we meet again) gift
10. Ask her to write a list of suggested things she would like to do with you during future return visits to her, when you meet. print out a copy of that list and take it back to Uni with you.
Choose to work on five of her suggestions for your next visit to her. Though which five you choose, from her list, will be a surprise for her to look forward to, on your next visit to her.
Good luck and i hope you are able to lift her mood and her attitude
Regards
Abella
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 This is a tricky one. There are a whole load of things you can try, doing something new-even something cheap like a picnic, some kind of suprise for her...doesn't even have to be slushy just taking her for a mystery date, going for a walk etc. Often breaking your routine goes a long way. As for conversation...thats a bit harder. Even there though there are games that go a long way when your dating. For example: ask each other questions and you each only get three passes and you have to tell the truth. Little things like that can spice things up.
Maybe your girlfriend feels like your routine means shaking up, maybe she feels a bit restless and wants to be swept off her feet, maybe she wants a bit of a challenge, you can try these things but you probably will have to talk to her about how she's feeling as well. If she still won't work on these issues after you've tried AND spoken to her about them, then you might have to think about if you're both getting what you want out of the relationship, but hopefully it won't come to that!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): do special things with her, or role play etc. also, talk to her about it. clear all the air. it's the only way to move past this.
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