A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I would like to hear from anyone who has had a positive experience of being 'on a break.' Me and my bf have decided to take a break for a month as the relationship has had a lot of problems, one of them being my drinking which has now stopped (I've started goign to AA meetings).I really just want to hear from people who have been through it and had a postive outcome, and how and why that happened. I'm not calling him, texting or emailing. We both love eachother so much and want to save the relationship. I hope that if I abstain from drink the ralationship has a chance. I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which I do take medication for, but he finds it hard work as he is already working with people with mental health issues on a ward as a nurse. I did post on hear before re this but I only got a series of really negative replies and people's opinions. Please, don't post that. I feel negative enough already. I need a little hope right now, things have been really tough and chaotic. For the record, he is no angel, he can be a real s**t, but right now I am trying to focus on me. If you do have a positve story could you let me know what you did to get that outcome, how did you achieve it and stay together? Also, although I am limiting contact (partly cos I am hoping he will start to miss me) I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do? I want to saty in contact really as i love him and i want to know how his day has been and if he is okay? Should i continue to limit contact?Thanks for reading. God Bless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Hi Ranier. Thanks for your post. I was doing really well then buckled yesterday and started texting. He rang me after I told him that I was really struggling and tearful. He told me he misses me but overall he feels better to be having a break. Well, this is quite normal from what i've heard, particularly as i have a codependent personality (I miss him terribly and am finding it really hard to cope with our 'separation'.) I also went out and got drunk on Friday night after a week of abstinence so i'm back on the wagon now. No-one is perfect and at least I'm trying to stop drinking. I went to an AA meeting on friday night and it totally freaked me out, i'm not sure if i'll go back. i need to find something that works for me and i'm not sure if 100% abstinence is it. Anyway, today is sunday and i'm back to work tomorrow so i'll get backin to being focused on me and what i need to do to cope without having him in my life just now. I think we probably will reconcile after this time. Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to reply, it is much appreciated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): My boyfriend took it one step further and broke up with me. We had been having problems and even tho it devastated me i knew we wernt working. I spent a week begging him back then gave up. No texts, no call, no contact. A week and a half after that he started texting me. They became more frequent and more friendly.
Cut a long story short we got back together. We have never been happier. I truly believe that break did a world of good. It really showed me how much i appreciated him and changed our entire attitudes.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): OP again. Also, how much contact is okay? We usually text eachother every day, and I have not text him for two and I keep crying. Man, I miss him so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Hi, thanks so much for your posts, I'm the OP. Drew, your post made me cry. Me and my bf have been trying for a baby for months but what a lovely story.
It's true, i do need to sort myself out. I miss drinking, it's only been 5 days since I had a drink but I feel so much better. Today is Friday and I would love a glass of wine after work today. But I know that the only way this relationship is going to work is if I am abstinent from alcohol.
Female anon, can I ask, did your bf sleep with other girls? I am not interested in dating anyone else at the moment but am wondering if I should let him? I was unfaithful when I was drunk but he does not know about this and it is something that I would never do sober, not ever. I am wondering if I should let him sleep with someone else? (I did not actually have sex)
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Well, i was dating a girl. We were together for about a year, even moved in together. We were actually really happy together. Then she decided she was gonna go back to school and get a Master's degree. Unfortunately the school she opted to go to was 3 hours up the road. She was going to move up there, and expected me to go with her.
Well, unfortunately I had a pretty solid job in my field that it had taken me QUITE some time to get. It was decent pay with a great benefits package. I could not give it up without having something up her way to replace it with. I told her this, but she wasn't happy. She moved, and we more or less were on break (even though i did drive up pretty much every weekend to see her.)
At first i was quite confident things would work out fine for us, but the job search proved to be quite frustrating. There wasn't much up my alley up there.. I think i wound up getting one call back for an interview, and it didn't go well... She wanted me to just accept any old job, but i could not let myself take 5 steps back when i had worked so hard, ya know?
Things started to look more and more grim for us. Another year went by.. She took a job even further away and moved back in with her parents.. I continued to drive up to see her every weekend, but i have to admit i was prepping myself to end this relationship.
During this time, I think we both were pretty unsure as to what would happen with us. I have my suspicions that she may have gone on a couple of dates while i wasn't around. (I discovered some material on her computer quite accidentally one night when i was up visiting her and she was asleep that seemed to imply she had at least been talking to other guys and sharing photos of herself, and one night when i was out with her, one of her male acquaintances that we ran into acted VERY strange with me.)
I also have to admit that, during this time, I ran into a couple of girls who were really interested in me. My friends finally convinced me that there was no harm in going on a date or two. I tried it out, and actually found the whole experience quite disappointing. It really hammered home how much my gf and i had going for us.
Unfortunately, she didn't want to move back down to where i was at, and i wouldn't move until i found a job in her area, and this was during the economic collapse of the past couple of years.. No one was hiring. You basically had to count yourself lucky that you had a job.
I was quite honestly 2 weeks away from ending the relationship. It seemed like we were at a stalemate. She wouldn't move, i couldn't move. We had had quite a few fights, and we were wearing thin.
Then my gf announced to me she was pregnant. This was where things REALLY got tough. With a kid on the way, i couldn't possibly give up my job with benefits, right? She still did not want to move back down, but i was committed now to at least trying to make this work.
For 9 months she lived at home with her parents, with me driving up on weekends to be with her. Our son was born. She still insisted that she wouldn't move down to be with me. SO i continued to drive up on weekends and when i could to help out.
After 3 months of that, she finally broke down and said "all i want is for us to be together". She moved down, we got married, and have been together for 4 years and another child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Congratulations on going to AA, my mother was an alcoholic for most of her life and because of that she died of internal bleeding from her liver two years ago. I know that being addicted to alcohol is very hard to overcome, so congratulations.
My bf and I have been together for three years on June 18 and about a year into our relationship, he decided that we needed a break so he could figure himself out emotionally and so that I could decide if I really wanted to be in a relationship that was long term and if so I needed to work on some of my issues. I had a lot of issues with trust, expressing myself emotionally and accepting that I was lovable.
We took a break for three months, I didn't date anyone else, but he was free to and he did. We didn't speak for that three months except toward the end and it was a very good idea to have the break. He discovered that what he feels for me is real and very deep as he couldn't move on with anyone else and he really missed being in my company.
The break was good for me because I was able to work on my issues and face them. I still have some issues with trust, but I'm working on that and we're getting there. I love him very deeply, he is the only person who is supportive without having ulterior motives.
Us taking a break strengthened our relationship as a couple and gave us the chance to grow as two human individuals and sometimes in a relationship, that's what you need.
Breaks aren't always a bad thing. It's an opportunity to work on what's lacking.
Again congratulations and I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
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