A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to get my boyfriend for his birthday next week. I bought him a voucher for a massage and already gave it to him, but I feel like that's not enough. I plan on baking him his favorite cookies and a little birthday cake to send in the mail with a card. I won't be able to see him because he has school on the day of and we're long distance.When I gave him the massage voucher, I told him that I was originally saving it for his birthday but decided to give it to him to use after his midterms since it'd be a good time to relax. He told me not to get him anything else because he would feel bad accepting anything from me. I assume it's because he didn't get me anything for my birthday, but I still feel weird not getting him anything and don't want that to be a reason why I don't. Last year I got him a bunch of stuff so this year has me stuck for ideas.Any of you have any ideas??
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 ... I was just about to ask "and what has he given you", but your answer to that took me by surprise. Nothing. He gave you NADA. Can you tell us why you received nothing?
I'll play hobby shrink on you now, but this is a more or less common thing. The reason you want to drown him in gifts now, and back then too, is because you feel inferior to him. You want to give him gifts and splurge and go over the top because right now, with no gift, or with only one gift, you feel so small. You feel it wont be enough to make him love you. You fear he'll think you aren't a good girlfriend, you are scared, you think you need to win him over somehow.
And why do you have this intense need to please him? Because he's given you nothing in return. And that only makes you crave him more. You want to give tons of gifts in the HOPES that one day, one day in the future, he'll give you something in return. Probably this fear of not being loved comes from him not giving you anything for your birthday, or other things he does that shows that he doesn't care all too much.
Now, him not giving you a gift last year does not mean he doesn't care for you. But it is weird to not give you a gift, and it does put you in an awkward situation. Your way to deal with the feelings of being neglected back then is to splurge on him now, because you want him to give you something in return to make up for him not giving you anything for your birthday.
And if he doesn't give you anything in return you will keep on trying to over-do yourself to get his gratification. You want something from him that you are not receiving. All these gifts are just yours attempt at getting this from him.
So what do you do? Stop giving him more gifts and realize that you giving him everything from your heart will not make him give you anything in return. Settle with that one gift. Because even if you didn't give him anything at all this year, he should still be getting YOU tons for your next birthday. You're just scared that he wont. Talk to him about this fear of yours instead, because drowning him in gifts is not the right way to go about it.
|
