A
female
age
36-40,
*eminChanel
writes:Can this relationship go anywhere? We are on different levels. I make more money than her. I have a degree in graphic arts. My job is a part time hotel job and I freelance from time to time. I'm continuing to look for a full time graphic position though. She works part time at a pizza place, lives with friends, no car, trying to pursue a career in insurance health and life and her credit is not that good. Not a match made in heaven, but I care about her a great deal. Do you think we'd work?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (22 July 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm starting to slow it down. I asked for my key back (I tend to lose my key and she was always around so...). She doesn't see why I needed to take it back, but I need to make sure I even want to continue on with the relationship and allowing her to come in and out of my space while I do that is not gonna work. Might seem small but, yesterday I had a break through, i don't know if we are meant to be. I don't believe in that stuff but it hit me. So she called out of work because she was sick. Early that morning she was sick, but obviously she felt better around the time of her shift. Instead of calling back in and going to work, she chose to go to a pool party. The same person complaining and focusing on how high my stability and financial level is but she'd rather lose out on extra money on her paycheck to go to a pool party. When I brought it to her attention she said I sounded like her mother. I was only showing that I cared about her situation just as much as I thought she did. She is the one focusing on our differences when it comes to money and stability, so I wanted to help her see that the way I got where I am today is dedication. I go to work bc I have to, my bills wont pay themselves. I go when I'm sick too. She assumed that I brought to just brought to her attention so she can cater to my needs and take care of me with her money. After being with me for all this time, Idk why she would think that about me. I'm over it.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 I agree with Chigirl
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 She sounds unsure of the relationship. And since she's not sure about it she turns to you, hoping you have the magical answer.
She doesn't sound committed. I think she got carried away with the fairy tale of a relationship at the beginning, which is why nothing was a problem, she wanted to move in, she probably swore high and low how much she cared for you. She was walking on pink clouds. Easy come easy go, as they say. I think that might be her case.
How to deal with it? Distance yourself. Two days is not enough. Give her a week without you contacting her. At the end of that week, she needs to show you commitment to the relationship. If she doesn't... well ask her how long she intends to keep you hanging in the air. A person can only wait for so long.
If I was you I'd demand some answers, but tell my partner to take his/her time to think carefully about what they want. When they have decided, they can come talk to me. I'd also make it very clear what MY intentions are, what I want out of the relationship, and ask them to take that into their calculations. Then give space and see what happens.
It sounds like this could be the end of the relationship, so be prepared. If it's not the end it is one big set-back, and you will need to take it slow from here.
...............................
A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (21 July 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm still in this relationship with her. She hasn't said anything about our differences (financial and stability wise), asked if we're meant to be, or asked if I knew where the relationship is going from here. I mean it's only been a few days. I kind of left her alone for a couple of days to try to figure things out for myself. I'm afraid to continue with the whole thing bc she claimed she wasn't a relationship type of person (after 7 mos of dating, her wanting to move in with me, and her getting upset bc I didn't want to have a live in gf) when it came to her financial and stability issues. The funny thing is when we first started dating she didn't have a job. She depended on her parents for everything, but right now she's having financial and stability issues? I understand that everyone handles their struggles differently, but me and her breaking up will not take away her struggle. But ever since the conversation we had it made me second guess my place is in this whole thing. Why am I in this? She said that she always hold back from expressing her feelings, which I don't want her to do. But the conversation seemed to be leading to a break up. What would you do if your significant other said, ' I'm not a relationship type of person', 'do you think we're meant to be together?', 'where is this relationship going?' those are the questions and statements that continue to float around in my head. The only problem I remember us having is her wanting to live with me and me not being ready for a commitment like that, especially so early in the relationship. Idk...
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (19 July 2011):
She doesn't sound very committed to the relationship then. I would imagine she will break your heart. Tread carefully.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 July 2011):
Well then you need to tell your girlfriend what we've written here to you, and ask her the questions that we've asked.
...............................
A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (18 July 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry u guys but I'm actually stating the things my gf said and was focusing on. She stated that I'm at a 10 compared to her 2 as far as financial and stability levels. I can care less just as long as we are loving, respecting, and adoring each other. That is my main focus. Maybe I should quoted the statements. Sorry again.
...............................
A
male
reader, Baffledd  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Does she make you happy? Do you make her happy? If so hold on to her as otherwise you may fail to find someone who compares to how she makes you feel. Money can't buy you someone who truly cares for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, lm9hi +, writes (17 July 2011):
 They do say opposites attract!
This is like me and my boyfriend I have an hounors degree in criminal justice, and starting a career as an forensic investigator, whereas my boyfriend dropped out of school at 16 and works in a garage spray painting cars. We are totally opposite, even the way we were brought up and our beliefs, but we dont let this phase us, iv never been happier and truely believe i have found my soul mate.
What job they do or where they stay shouldnt affect the way you feel about them, yes their credit rating is important if your planning a future together, but as you said she does have aims, and hopefully she will get there one day. Dont let things like that stop you from starting something so wonderful, I wish you all the best, good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 July 2011):
Do you think material values matter in heaven? Since you list up material values and then says it's no match in heaven....
Actually, your relationship might very well be a match made in heaven, you're just focusing on all the "earthly goods" instead of what really matters when you put two people together.
If you and her were on a remote island together, would a fancy car at home in the garage matter more than her ability to make you laugh and fills your days with wonders?
I have a friend who's materialistic, like you are. No offense. I get it, some people care more about income than personality, especially if they are forced by their surroundings to care about money. Or if they had a hard childhood with no money at all, they get a Scarlet O'Hara trait and swear to never go poor again, thus becoming materialistic.
Just be aware that you judge your relationship solely on materialistic values here. Which, all in all, is not ideal if what you're seeking is life long partnership. What goals do you have for a relationship, and what matters in that ideal relationship? Sure, money would be nice, I wouldn't complain... but money alone doesn't make a "match made in heaven" if you spend every hour arguing over who gets to be in charge of the remote control.
Look inside yourself and figure out what really matters in life, to you, on a personal level. If you decide that money, material things, education etc. are important to you, more so than other aspects of a relationship, then you know what to do. It's fair enough, people are to some degree or another materialistic, only YOU decide what is most important to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 YOu have listed all the material ways you believe you are different, consider this, do you both share interests, laugh at the same things, enjoy each others company, have common goals?
...............................
A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (16 July 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea threes def love involved but she says that were on different levels I'm at a 10 and she's at a 2. We both knew what we were going through, but it's our jobs to take care of our issues not our partner's. She wanting space bc she feels she can't bring anything to the table. But the truth I'm struggling to. All I'm able to do is pay my bills right now thus the looking for the full time job at graphic companies. Idk what to do and I don't want space or to break up bc of our differences. Everyone struggles. Maybe we have diff struggles but we all struggle nonetheless.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (16 July 2011):
Love conquers all. If you love each other then of course it will work. If you're just in it for a bit of fun then it will fizzle.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kateee +, writes (16 July 2011):
of course u have to be together, money is only a thing providing u with material things, u will never buy love and it is too hard to find it in this world , so if u truly love her, u have to fight for her, and u re a man , u have to give her anything she needs.
...............................
|
