A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I love this man more then I can tell you. We have been together for almost 20 years. We have had are ups and downs but lately its just bad. He blames me for all the bad going on in our marriage. He recently told me that I was fat and dicussing and to see me naked totally turns him off. I have gained some weight and it has been hard to loose it but i'm doing the best I can. I have taken responsiblity for this and i'm fixing it. He tells me all the time that hes good looking and could sleep with anyone he wants to. I feel that its just a matter of time before he does. He has his list of demands that I must follow in order to keep our marriage in one piece. Everytime we fight he always has to bring up the past mistakes that I have made but never anything he has done. I'm tired of living in the past I want to move forward. He has no idea how much I have had to give up in order to be with him. I have given up good friends that I had known forever, pastimes and hobbies and recently speaking to my family because he believes that my mother is the cause of most of our problems because of my relationship I had growing up with her. I don't know how much longer I can take this without going crazy. Is there any hope for a marriage that was once filled with love and now is just filled with resentment? Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is in response to this anonymous who keeps answering this question. God lord man its no wonder your wife needs therapy!! It must really be hard living with a know-it-all. I thought I had it bad sounds like she has it worse then the rest of us. Give us all a break and stop posting answers.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 You call for answer, and this statement of your is demanding,...'Is there any hope for a marriage that was once filled with love and now is just filled with resentment? Please help!
Your voice sound more wisdom in your above statement. I am here just to remind the meaning of sex, which you yourself has rightly expressed. Once your marriage have had the meaning of sex.
The meaning of sex is just with you. You know sex means intimacy, love [liking], pleasure, romance...etc right? Yes, relationship can be turn out to be bad to worst but meaning of sex is unchangeable.
Just remember or recall your memory that sex is play, with good game point [climax]. Please do not trust words or arguments, but trust the power of sex play, feel you want it and wanted to achieve. Nature is at your site.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is for the response from anonymous I can tell you that you are not my husband. He would never even take the time to look online for answers let alone respond to them.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Hun, this man doesnt love you and his verbal abuse shows his true feelings.
I honestly dont think there is any hope for your marriage and would urge you to start making plans to move out on your own.
His treatment of you would be enough to drive anyone crazy and before your health starts deteriorating, get out.
I do understand when you say you love this man with all your heart, but sad to say he doesnt love you, he probably sees you as the cook and maid!
He has effectively isolated you from your friends and if you continue staying with him he will isolate you from your family too.
You are much stronger than you realise, there is help out there, maybe move back in with your mother, start looking after yourself, have a hairdo, etc., You need to feel better about yourself and start loving yourself again.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (20 January 2010):
You are in an abusive relationship and he is probably cheating on you. Vanity is a huge sign of an affair so watch out for this. Never let a man control your life to this level that you live only for him. Now that you have given him all your attention and devotion, he is abusing his power over you. Take some time just going out with the few friends you have left or by yourself; catch a movie alone or go to a book store and have a coffee. Don't sit around waiting for him to come home and abuse you. Maybe once you see that there is nothing wrong with doing things by yourself, you will find strength to move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Pineknot +, writes (20 January 2010):
I went through a similar relationship...leaving was so hard...but guess what? I never regretted it..now I live in peace. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not enough. That man doesn't deserve you...reach out to your family and friends, get some emotional support, get out of that toxic relationship, and put your needs first..he's not treating you right..quit forgiving because every time you forgive it gets a little easier for him to keep treating you like garbage. Stand up and take care of yourself! Men like that don't change, and if they do it's because the best thing in their lives is walking away. Saying a prayer for you. I know it's hard but do what's right for you!
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A
female
reader, Pineknot +, writes (20 January 2010):
Hey!!! Don't you see he's abusive? I can speak with some authority...having walked in your shoes...you need to get yourself out of that relationship and learn to love YOURSELF a little ok? It's not love if you have to give and give, forgive, overlook all the time....it's supposed to be give and take. Please don't stop talking to your friends and family...you're definitely going to need them when you wake up and see you're in love with a wish...he's not it...you're giving him too much power. Get some support, get strong, get out (safely as possible) and get the life you really deserve. NO one deserves to be treated like he's treating you. I wish you all the best. Reach out and get some support! You know that feeling you have deep down that one you've been ignoring...that one that keeps yelling "Go!" well if you choose to listen to it you'll be so glad you did....I know you can do this!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is not love and I don't think you should try to save this marriage, it is sooo unhealthy for you to listen to this abusive garbage and his unreasonable demands.
You will not even realize just how bad it has become until you have some time and distance from this man and are able to look back subjectively.
Please, get out! Take some self-love seminars or self help courses, you truly need it. Just for starters, try this...take a picture of yourself as a child, when you first remember being told you were not lovable and had to conform to someone's demands in order to be loved or had to earn each little morsel of love instead of it being given freely.
Talk to that little girl and promise her that you love her and will take care of her from here on out. Recognize that she was absolutely lovable exactly the way she was right then and that the people that did this to her were wrong. Then strive to love her (yourself) and keep your promise to take care of her (yourself). Go forward together in love.
This is a powerful exercise that will hopefully give you a glimpse of how wrong this man and everyone in your life that has put you down is and was. Continue searching for these kind of therapies until you truly love yourself and protect yourself from people like your husband. When you get to the point that you truly and unconditionally love yourself, you will know it because it will 'click' and make sense.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way :( You are absolutely lovable and worth someone being there for you in unconditional love.
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