A
male
age
36-40,
*azyman87
writes:I turned 22 a couple of weeks ago.I've decided to try this online dating malarkey now. basically, how do i present myself in the best possible yet most honest light, and have a chance of finding someone?i always used to associate online dating with all the negative stereotypes e.g. can't get a girl in real life, try the internet.it's true i can't get a girlfriend in real life, but this is only because i have a proven track record of falling for girls that are just friends.i don't get many hits and the ones i do is just because i view their profiles first, and probably sound desperate. when i message, i reference something in their profile and ask a question about it rather than saying 'look, you're hot'.anyone have an idea?thanks all.
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male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (18 November 2009):
lazyman87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all, i'm using plentyoffish.
k_c100 - thanks for the very detailed reply, i'm going to try to meet someone in real life but my self-esteem took a hit, so i'm trying all avenues.
satindesire - i'll pick up on something on their profile, if it's something we have in common, i'll ask them a question about it. i might single out a phrase if it makes me smile, and say that. i try to avoid the cliches and i avoid chat up lines.
xx
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Well as much as I dont like admitting this too much, I met my boyfriend through an online dating site (match.com to be precise!). I was on it for 2 months before I met my current boyfriend and went on some dates with some right old idiots before I met my boyfriend. Online dating is a bit of an art and it takes a lot of patience, and a thick skin because a lot of the time you will be rejected. But as in my case it can work out and really is worth it!
What I learnt from my experience (as a woman in this situation) is that men have to do all the chasing online and women very rarely will make the first move. One date that I went on I discussed Match.com with my date and he was laughing when I said I got about 6 emails a day and around 5-10 winks a day. I asked why he was laughing and he said he only got about 6 emails a week if that! And he was gorgeous (the best looking man I have ever been on a date with, way out of my league!) and very successful - it really is just that no matter how attractive you are as a man, women still expect you to make the first move!
So when you complain that no-one looks at your profile until you look at them first - that is pretty normal! Now I dont know which site you are using but presuming it is something like Match.com then what you need to do is be "winking" at as many girls as you can (providing you are attracted to them and like their profile). Be realistic - there might be an amazingly hot girl but you need to think, is that someone that would be interested in me? I made the mistake of chasing the really gorgeous men on the site, the really attractive ones and guess what - they were never interested! I think the really attractive people are just on there to boost their ego's even more because they know they can get a girl/guy in real life, but they just use online dating as they know they will get loads of attention. So I switched to really reading someone's profile and if I really liked the sound of them, and thought they looked pretty good in their pics then I would wink at them.
One thing I also hated was when really unattractive men would email me thinking they had a chance - I know that sounds harsh but at the end of the day everyone has a rough idea of what sort/type you go for, and what sort/type will go for you too. There is no point in wasting your time on someone that you know is way out of your league!
Another thing that is crucial - you need up to date photos (as in within the last 6 months). I know it seems unimportant right now, but believe me you will have changed in 3 years (whether you think it or not!) and it gives a really bad impression if you actually go on a date with someone and turn up looking nothing like your pictures! Even if you dont have any recent ones, get a friend to take some photos of you, or even take one yourself! And the more pictures you have on your profile the better - if you just have one it makes you seem like that is the best you have and you dont dare show any others. Whereas if you have lots of photos it seems like you are a fun, busy and active person and it gives a better idea of what you look like in a number of situations.
Another tip - stick to your guns with your style of writing emails. The worst thing you can do is say "hey beautiful", "hey gorgeous" or anything like that - us girls have heard it all before and it makes us cringe! I liked it when a guy emailed me talking about something he had read in my profile and asked me a few further questions about myself. It is important to ask questions about her - you need to give her a reason to respond and get a conversation started. The worst email I ever had was this (it should make you laugh) "are your eyes real versace?" - that was all it said! And another "what is someone as beautiful as you doing on here? I bet you cant get to your computer for all the men that are falling at your feet" - how utterly cheesy and cringeworthy!
As for your profile - the more info on there the better, so even though you might worry about it being too long I would say the longer the better. Outline what you are looking for, what you like in a girl, how you behave in relationships/how you would treat a girl, your interests, favourite things.....anything you can think of stick it on there! Because often the most random things are the best things to talk about, and you never know some girl might stumble upon your profile and see that you have something in common - and that will probably be the silly bit of info you didnt really know whether you should include! My boyfriend and I had a lot on our profiles that were similar - we both liked the same TV shows (Greenwing and Family Guy to be exact!), we both had the same ideas on life and both love cheesecake! He was also fascinated by my love of minstrels in salty popcorn (that one was always a good conversation starter for guys that contacted me!). So I would say just be honest on your profile, try and express some personality and let your individuality shine through!
There is not much else I can tell you really - online dating just involves a lot of luck, and a lot of patience. Dont get disheartened after a couple of days, it takes time and new people are coming onto these sites all the time so things change from day to day. Just be proactive in your search, take some new photos and tweak your profile a bit and I think you should have some luck!
After all if you are a nice guy that can make a girl laugh you have already won the first battle. So be yourself, one day the right person will come along and just remain hopeful!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (18 November 2009):
lazyman87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@satindesire - yes i do, admittedly i haven't been a member for long (a few days) and i'm using pof.
the photo is 3 years old but i look the same, and it was the only decent one i could steal from my facebook account. most photos of me are when i'm quite drunk. nobody takes pics unless it's a night out.
thanks.
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A
male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (18 November 2009):
lazyman87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncheers mate for that :)
i do talk to random girls, i chat on nights out to random girls. but i feel awkward, not because of that, i feel they might question my motives, especially in bars.
i don't want a one-night stand, i don't want casual sex, i want a long-term girlfriend. i'll have a go i owe it to myself.
cheers again.
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A
male
reader, eddy_nicolas +, writes (18 November 2009):
i know exactly what you are going through,coz i have been i that situation so many times..lol.tooo many times.
i have 2 answers for you.
1.leave the internet and all this stuff.you wont get anywhere with this.im telling you from my experience.what u should do is:to go out.when i said that i didnt mean necessarily to go clubbing and pubs.you could do that,but if u cannot do that,just try some trips.Few times a week.like going by bus or by train somewhere.and Do Not Be Shy.in bus,train,underground try to have a conversation.Dont think:''oh,she will refuse me!''.just start with somethin usual like:''what time is it?''''do u mind if i sit here?''.Even if u will fail,there is no failure coz u are gaining experience.on the other side,you shouldnt think too much about the fact that she will refuse you.YOU ARE NEW THERE SO NOBODY KNOW YOU.
against my will i will give you another advice which didnt work out for me.you should try via internet.My best friend(her name is Cristina) she's got married with a guy from Canada.they are waiting for a baby now.Basically they have spoken like 8months and bum.they did it.
i hope that you will succeed/and dont worry you are young.you will find somebody.
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