A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started speaking to a girl over the summer as we were living in the same university halls, we got on really well and connected instantly. we spoke everyday and she even mentioned that it took me ages to reply. we met up when we both had moved in and we hit it off again she was beautiful, kind, sweet everything I wanted in a girl. she smoked and had a nose piercing which I'm not very keen of on girls but for her it didn't matter one bit. anyway we ended up hanging out at hers out of the cold and we ended up kissing and eventually we had sex (yes this was the first time we met and I regret not waiting).everything was going great we kept speaking and seeing each other and said we didn't want to rush. However I said we should go on a date and then the day before she made excuses that she was ironing and cleaning so could only see each other for a while after I told her a full day planned. since then we've argued many times haven't met up since and I wrote her a letter because she kept dodging my messages and I really like her. she wasn't going to reply to the letter she said as she didn't know what to say and I did say some things I shouldn't have said as i feel like I scared her off more.she had a brief thing with her ex after all of this and now is seeing another guy who she has said to her friend that she doesn't really want to be with him (her friend is seeing one of my friends) and I can't stop thinking about her.I only want her no one else but I'm scared of ruining things even more and I just was to be able to talk to her and tell her how sorry I am for putting her under so much pressure and scaring her away I was scared that i was going to lose her so I thought I had to rush things and I didn't think about what she wanted. I like her so so much shes all I think about and i'm losing sleep and have no motivation for anything she is the only motivation I have to try and fix thingsIs there anyway I can fix this?
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her ex, kissing, moved in, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 December 2015):
 I honestly think you need to leave her alone. You tried to contact her, you wrote her a letter, she made excuses not to go on the date and didn't reply. This tells you that she is not interested in a relationship with you. You need to accept this and move on with your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you missy i appreciate it, I am off home for 3/4 weeks over christmas and new year and when I come back if i still feel the same I will probably reach out to her and see where she stands but that depends on how i feel come that time Thank you again a real help x
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A
female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (17 December 2015):
I think you need to give her time. She doesn't seem ready to be committed into something more than a casual encounter. You can either choose to be her friend (which may end up staying as her friend or eventually grow into something more) OR (in this case, I am leaning towards if you really want a romantic relationship) leave her be. Find other ways to keep your mind off her by focusing on school and positive/motivational school activities. It's true when they say, helping someone else makes you think less of your own problems or pain. Do this for a few weeks/maybe months, if she misses you, she'll reach out. If you still miss her, then reach out again. But I think you and her need a pause. And while you're pausing, focus on YOU first. You'll be surprised at the good things you have in you that you can achieve by your own actions. :)
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