A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a sort of odd situation. I've considered myself a lesbian my entire life. When I was 15 I told my mother that i wasn't interested in boys, but that there was a girl I liked and she freaked out. She instantly insisted that I start to date boys and got my cousin in on the whole thing. Between the two of them they managed to hook me up with a man who raped, abused, and molsted me. Another who insisted that sex is the basis of all relationships, and another who got me pregnant and ran off. I was never even attracted to any of them.I finally snapped and told them both off and have been seeing women since. The last person I was with was... insane. When she started to accuse me of cheating (I've never cheated in my LIFE) because i was giving friends rides to school (we go to the same school, keep in mind) or because I went out to the bar without her I broke things off. She slit her wrists, went to the hospital, when she came back out she preteneded the breakup had never happened and I had to slowly inch away.Fast forward to now. I was pretty frustrated and tried to make new friends on the Internet (all my old friends were mad at me for the breakup because they liked her). I met this guy... who I actually found attractive. I never envisioned myself in a relationship with the guy, so I agreed to a one night stand. I thought "if I'm actually attracted to him then I'm gonna take advantage of the one time i see something in the opposite sex". We messed around, but never had sex. We ended up laying up all night talking. 6am I had to run hom for my son (yes, I told him about my son). He was a total charmer. I thought 'fake'.I got home to a message from him saying we should hang out. We hung out again a few days later and went to a club and had a great time. Went back to his place, I stayed the night. Overall... I'm starting to think he's being genuine and I sort of LIKE him... ALOT. NOT LOVE! NOT LOVE! Just... like alot. I told him I was on my way to liking him, is that okay "Or should I nip it in the bud and we'll be friends?" and he said "no... dont' stop. I sort of do too. It's a good thing."Sounds great, right? Well, the problem is that I'm terrified that I'm going to mess things up. I've never been in a relationship with a man that I care about before. I've never even been attracted to a man before! And with all the past problems I have I keep finding myself biting my nails over if he's going to turn out the same as everyone else.Any advice other than "aw, you need to trust him" which is what my friends have said.
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cousin, lesbian, one night stand, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CNKlives +, writes (17 September 2008):
Doesn't sound like you were seeing the right person, and I completely understand about running out of money. ;) My suggestion would be to look up any large churches in your area or non profit counseling organizations. They usually have options for people who can't handle the payment. I haven't had the heartache you have, but I did have some situations that needed attention. I went to counceling and it honestly changed my live, made me a much happier person and learned to love myself. There is an old saying, you can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself...and that is so very true. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, CNKlives.I've been trying to be myself and not change... so I hope that I'm doing it right. I just get nervous and scared. I tried counselling... ran out of money for it and the person I was talking to was only making me feel worse.
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A
female
reader, CNKlives +, writes (16 September 2008):
DON'T constantly talk about your feelings. Just don't. He gave you confirmation that he likes you..now just be that cool chick that he met. Guys can't stand when they meet someone cool then that person starts changing (even though we do it to try and be better) just be yourself..that is what he liked. Just have a good time right now...and don't worry about tomorrow. Live in the moment and it will work out exactly like it is supposed to. Also, did you ever get counseling for your previous boyfriends? I am a huge advocate of counseling. You don't want to let out any past aggression on anyone new..wouldn't be fair to either of you. Hope this helps. :)
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