A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya. I used a tampon once and it really hurt me. So i haven't done it since. My boyfriend and i are thinking about sex but i am really scared of the pain. I did horseback riding for 8 years and i have done football, but my hymen is still there, any advice
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female
reader, hellogoodbye123 +, writes (2 January 2008):
tampons can be quite dry so this could have added to the pain. try buying some lubricant like KY jelly from a pharmacist (buy it with tampons and people won't bat an eyelid). try inserting different (CLEAN!) things using the lubricant. a tampon, a finger, two fingers. think about things that would get you excited, take a warm relaxing bath and lie on your bed. as your body relaxes your vagina will open up and it will also create its own lubricant.
over all, take things slowly and don't worry about it if its hard at first because that'll just make you tense up even more.
A
female
reader, Ratha  +, writes (29 December 2007):
The key to a pleasant first time is taking it slow. Slower than you think you need to. Relaxation is important - the vaginal muscles can tense up just like any other muscle, and that will make penetration difficult for you both.
A penis should probably not be the first thing you try to get inside yourself, especially not after the bad tampon experience. Try inserting a well-lubricated finger first (fingernails trimmed and smoothed!). Once you get used to that, try two. Try rubbing together without penetration. Try very shallow penetration initially, just an inch or two
Don't try to race from first base to home plate in an hour, or even in one night. You may need time to think things over, to get mentally comfortable with what you're doing. You may experience unexpected or weird emotions. Ride it out and try not to stress. And remember you ALWAYS have the absolute right to call things to a halt.
When you do feel you're ready for the big event, there are a couple of ways you can ensure that your first time (and every other time after) is about a hundred times better than just gritting your teeth and going for broke.
Number one: you have to be really into it. If you don't strongly want it yourself, you're going to have problems. Arousal on your part is absolutely critical! When you get horny, your body does a whole bunch of clever things to ensure comfort and pleasure. It provides lubrication, cushioning (the tissues swell), and space (the vagina changes shape and length, giving an incoming object a longer runway). You'll have to be aware of your own physical state to gauge when you're ready for sex.
Number two: even if you're horny and aroused out of your mind, using a water-based lubricant (e.g. Liquid Silk, Slip, ForPlay, and the well-known Astroglide) is the best thing you can do to minimize normal discomfort from friction as your body adjusts to penetration. Lubes are commonly found near the condoms in many normal drugstores. They're inexpensive and go an unbelievably long way towards making sex more comfortable.
Furthermore, lack of sufficient lubrication is a major cause of condom breakage (you ARE planning on using a condom, right? Sperm don't care if this is only your first time). Use a real lubricant even with 'lubricated' condoms; the slick coating on them is very thin, not at all the copious amount that ought to be involved in sex.
(Side note: you can also use a little bit of lube on the tampon applicator to make inserting those more comfortable.)
And as for the tampon trauma - a penis and tampon are two very different objects, and it's entirely possible sex will hurt *less* than trying to figure out the correct tampon trajectory. Tampons are dry, narrow, rigid, and rather pointy, and so it's easy when you're inserting it to get the angle wrong and give yourself a nasty jab - especially if you're tense. The vagina is not well-suited to invasion by anything dry, such as a big wad of cotton. Penises are larger, blunter, and adjust to the angle of the vagina; they tend to go in the right direction once inside. So chin up - your hymen may not be quite as mighty as the tricksy tampon has led you to believe.
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A
female
reader, mama2three  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Anxiety usually increases the pain level, so make sure you are GOOD AND READY, both mentally and physically, before you do it. You should be relaxed when you try. Sure, it hurts a bit having sex for the first time, and trust me, the 'first time' is rarely everything it's all cracked up to be!
So, make sure he takes some time to 'warm up the oven' before you guys try, and if you're not ready, don't push yourself to do something you're just not ready to do.
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Theres nothing you can do hunny, unfortunately 99% of women have to go through the process of having their hymen broken by means of foreplay or sex (or if you're lucky, naturally through gymnastics / horseriding - but not in your case).
The pain is something which is only temporary (and you may bleed a little too - but don't worry) and might only last a matter of a minute before you start feeling the proper pleasure you should be. How ever, this varies between girl and girl - the important part is that you talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you're worried and you know it will hurt.
When actually having sex, its important your communication is also there - if it hurts, tell him slow down or go less deeper - constantly communicate with your partner, as its important you enjoy your first time (how hard it might be)!
Thing will get better, and you might find second time around you won't experience any pain at all - sit back and enjoy it.
End of the day, it hurts for all - its something new, its stretching parts of your body and in your case breaking temporary parts of your body, so its bound to hurt/ache for a couple of minutes - try not to worry about it, as most women went through it at some stage.
Take it slowly, and communicate - for now, stop worrying as you've got nothing to worry about - its a totally natural process.
Ryan
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