A
female
age
30-35,
*rincesskatee
writes:My question isn't about a romantic relationship, I just really need advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. His younger brother has been with his girlfriend for 8 months. I never really became friends with his girlfriend because I found her very rude to myself as well as others(just for example: my boyfriends mother) Around Christmas I finally decided to let it go and be friendly. We've been fine since then, I thought she wasn't so bad. A few weeks ago a family member of my boyfriend had a party. At the party I wasn't hanging around with the girlfriend too much because she was attached to her boyfriends side, no big deal. Apparently she got really offended and started a fight with me about it thru text message last night! She pretty much called me a snob and said I'm rude. Some nerve. Anyway, I didn't go too crazy but I told her how I felt. Guess she didn't like my response since she ran to my boyfriends mother and "tattled" on me. Ever since this girl came into the picture everything has been awful. She always feels bad for herself and wants everyone else too as well. Especially my boyfriends mother. Even tho she treats her terribly my boyfriends mother always feels bad for her when she cries to her. It's getting redic and I'm getting fed up. I'm annoyed with the mother for always falling for this, especially this time. Any advice on how to handle either of them would be greatly appreciated!Also, my boyfriend feels the same way I do.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 There's a real possibility that this girl may end up your sister-in-law, so to avoid any complications in the future, it might be an idea to keep things polite, but at arms length. Don't make her your buddy. You've already worked out that she's rude. Everyone else will have to determine this for themselves, but most of them aren't facing the rest of their lives being related by marriage to her. So, don't gossip about her or give her any more reason to speak badly of you. Just keep being your lovely self. Your mother-in-law is no doubt aware of her behaviour and is trying to be diplomatic about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): First off, the problem is between you and the girl.
Don't go dragging your boyfriend's mother into your feud.
Your problem with the girl, has nothing to do with the way she feels about her. They have a separate connection, and
she is a troubled-person. You aren't close enough or empathetic enough to give a sh*t.
That's your problem.
That doesn't mean anyone else has to feel the same as you do about anything.
Keep all this under your hat. Don't go spouting this to anyone, but us. You need objective opinions. She stepped on your toes, and your irritation is justified. This could get a little sticky. So watch your step.
You can mention to your boyfriend about the incident and show him the messages. That way, he knows and doesn't have to hear things through the grapevine; which will taint and twist the truth. This is all trivial; so don't go over-reacting and dramatizing.
DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT HIS MOTHER. WOE UNTO YOU IF YOU DO!!!
Mother is a grown-woman, and she has to keep the peace in her family. She has two sons, and each have girlfriends. She has to deal with everyone on her own terms. Lending a caring ear and a shoulder to cry on, is what mothers do.
Don't envy that they can be close. Your relationships with her are different. You are somewhat a snob. You are very critical of the girl. Including mum.
As for mum, she doesn't have to behave according to how you feel she should. Who are you to presume she is falling for anything? She is handling things better than you are. All she is doing is listening. It has not changed the way she treats you; and that is all you need to be concerned about.
Your boyfriend's mother is experienced enough to know sugar from sh*t, and she knows whom she's dealing with.
Remember you just decided to get along. Not to really like her. She sees through your phony friendship. She has issues? Maybe. Neither she; nor mum, are fools.
You are reserved, and probably a strong person in every-way. As for "handling" anyone?
It's best to be sympathetic, friendly, and cordial. To be otherwise; will freeze you out.
You meant to ask, how to "control" this girl and your boyfriend's mother?" Clear that completely from your mind. A spat doesn't require you to blow all this out of proportion. Be the bigger person, and shrug off the small stuff. Mum makes her on choices and decisions.
Girlfriends come and go. Mother is forever! We sons are very protective of them.
Sorry to be so tough on you. You need to achieve an upper-hand; based on wisdom and logic. Not to poison your relationship and connection to your boyfriend's family, over trivial bullsh*t. You can't afford to make enemies in situations like yours.
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