A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:This is probably a stupid question and I feel a little embarrased asking for advice. Basically I feel that I have no social life and find it quite difficult to be sociable and make friends. I find it very hard to join in and hold a conversation. I have lost contact with a few of my friends. My best friend has recently got married and when we do meet we do have a great time but she is really the only person I go out with. I have reecntly broken up with my boyfriend and I have lost all of my confidence. When I do go out I usually feel that I have to drink alcohol so that I can speak to people as I am quite shy, but I don't want to have to get drunk out of my skull just so that i can speak to people. I want to get my social life back on track as I am only 24 and I don't want to stay in every weekend on my own! I find myself always saying no to drinks with work colleagues after work as the thought of having to make conversation with people I hardly know sends me into a panic. Any advice on how I can get my confidence and social life back and make new friends would be appreciated!!
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best friend, confidence, drunk, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, skywalker +, writes (30 October 2006):
lots of ways.learn a language,do yoga,learn dancing,learn music.all these activities will give you an opportunity to meet new people.Throw a party when you have met enough people and make sure you talk to them.
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (29 October 2006):
 First off, there's no need to be embarrassed. Just about every shy person (or person who's went through a shy stage) feels your pain. And you're right, you shouldn't have to get intoxicated just to make conversation.
No amount of advice that I can give you will force you to be social, but I can at least point out what will help. First off, take it from me, you'll never make any new friends unless you allow yourself to. If you hit the panic button everytime someone wants you to go somewhere, you WILL be staying in every weekend. How I broke myself of 15 years of near solitude and shyness was one day, I just told myself "I'm going to stop being so quiet and shy, and I'm going to talk to someone I don't even know." In high school, that could have been a stupid mistake, but I got lucky. I walked right up to a ritsy girl and started talking about the overcrowded cafeteria of all things. Then that turned into joking about dropping our food all over the principal because someone bumped into us, and then we go onto interests, where we're from (middle school wise), who our teachers are, etc. Wouldn't you know it, I made a friend!
If you're not one to think up much conversation, at least go and give it a try! If one of your potential buddies asks you what you like to do, be honest. Tell them, and you might find common interests! Some conversation starters (just incase) are things like, "How's your day been so far?" or even, "So, where should we go have lunch (or drinks...)".
The main thing is you HAVE to force yourself out of the anti-social stage, no one else can, and you won't get anywhere in life like that. I have some other ideas, so if you're interested, please feel free to privately messege me. ^_^
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