A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think after 4 years of dating my boyfriend I want to move on. Im sick of everything hes put me through, and I can't trust him. He's my first love, etc. so I'm not sure how to just leave. I've tried to before but I love him so much I couldn't stay away and kept forgiving him. Any advice how to move on so I can be happy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): I think you first need to decide what you really want to do, as you sound a little uncertain. Do you want to stay with this guy and try and work things out? Or do you want to move on from him? Deep down, I think you will sense what it is you truly want to do. Forget about what you think you should do...what do you WANT to do?
If you want to stay with him, then you need to figure out exactly what is going wrong in the relationship. Talk to your boyfriend about it, and try and work on those things together. Trust has to be rebuilt, and that may take time. But it can be done, if you both want to make it work.
However, your question is asking how you can move on from him, so I will focus on that. I think you need to make a firm decision to yourself, that you will end the relationship and move on. The first step will be telling your boyfriend this. It is hard, I know. I've been there, and all the emotions kick in and make it more complicated. But remember your decision. It is hard to stay away from an ex. I've found that the best way to overcome that is to end all contact completely. Don't try and remain friends. Don't phone each other, text, e-mail, etc. And if he tries to contact you, ignore it and don't respond.
I know that seems harsh, but if you do maintain contact, it keeps the connection going and makes it impossible to really move on. If you end contact, it will give you the time and space to heal and move on, and will also let him know you are serious. Try and remember all the reasons why you want to be out of the relationship. We can all have a tendency to reflect on the good times we had with someone, which makes us want to go back. So keep in mind all the things which were not working, and why you were unhappy in the relationship.
I'm wondering, from your question it sounds like you may be afraid of never finding anyone else you have feelings for? Do you worry that you won't find anyone else if you end this relationship? If so, let me assure you that you can and will! I once had to end a relationship with a guy I loved. He was the first person I had ever loved, but the relationship was destructive for both of us. It was hard, but I ended it and cut off all contact. I thought I would never have feelings for any other guy, ever. But it has happened. It took a long time for me to move on, but I did, and now I do have feelings for someone else. The same can happen for you too!
It might also help for you to think that if you let this guy go, you will be freeing yourself to find someone you will be happy with. You will also be freeing him to one day find someone he could have a happy relationship with. If it's just not working between you anymore, why stay? Why not appreciate the times you had together, and free each other?
I hope something here helps. It isn't easy to move on from someone, but you definitely can do this! Good luck! x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): Make your decision clear to him, and dont go back on it!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 February 2010):
End it, stop all contact and throw yourself into your own life. Focus on your life, your hobbies your friends, your career or studies. When you break up, have a friend nearby that can take you away.
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