A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:a 'friend' of mine i met through my boyfriend sent my boyfriend love letters and clearly has professed her love for him. Despite the fact he's told her its not going to happen, he is still contacting her a fair bit, and she is contacting him, and it seems to me that she is hanging on for dear life and he is playing into it. I have told my boyfriend its made me feel quite insecure as hes even freely admitted that she seems to be 'waiting for us to go wrong', a lot of her contact was offering work that seems to never come about, and i have my suspicions its actually fictional and its just an excuse to keep him talking. Im actually genuinely concerned about this girl as if she feels theres a glimmer of hope for her and my boyfriend shes going to keep carrying on, and to me it shows no respect for herself, me, or her own partner.I have told my boyfriend repeatedly how i feel he simply responds that shes clear on the fact he loves me,and that he cant do much more about it. I have no fear that he will cheat on me or anything of the sort, but i do feel that he's maybe keeping her around because of the attention hes getting off her (kind of making himself more confident?) and i dont think its a good thing. However im conscious of the fact I have no right really to tell him who he should and shouldnt speak to.Can anyone suggest to me how better to handle it, as times gone on i thought id find it easier, but the more shes around the worse its getting and its starting to make me feel inadequate, as if shes sticking around to see me mess up, because she knows i will
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 The more you let him know about your feelings about the other girl, the more he may want to torment you .
Make it a non issue and he will find no pleasure or added advantage over you.
Be better than the other girl and stop over rating the other girl.
Talk more to your guy friends and make him feel the heat. Two can play the same game.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): obviously my answer was just so good i didnt have to write it on :)
Facebook baby :D
1. this bloke underneath me is going to end up in a phycoward as he seems a possesive dictator either that or will wipe out millions of jew ants in some hallacaust style shizzle
2. well i dont have a two because the first ones so good :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for your reply. I havent actually told him to stop talking to her as im aware ill probably get the reaction of him digging his heels in. However I have told him that it makes me insecure, and WHY and been very open and honest about it. He seems to understand perfectly why im unhappy and has actually told me im well within my rights to not be happy about the fact she sent him love letters etc etc. I guess thats why i feel awful for making a fuss about it because he DOES understand... or at least he says he does, what I dont get though is why in that case he keeps her around, if he knows its likely to cause more problems, with both me and her, and knows shes in love with him and its probably gonna end up with her hurt. All I can presume its a kind of ego-massage, he likes the fact she needs him, and wants him and cant have him so to speak.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (21 March 2010):
 I feel as if i have written your post as i am experiencing the exact same thing and my husband has exactly the same answers as your boyfriend. I would be very wary here as the woman's motives are clearly suspect. The situation for me has upset me so much that I actually told him to choose between us and he actually chose not losing contact with her over keeping me. The only advice I can give you is to distance yourself from this and pay absolutely no attention to what the other woman is doing. She wants to drive a wedge between you both so don't play into her hands. Women who do this to other people's partners are despicable but they don't care they are only interested in trying to get the man for themselves and will say or do anything to make the man attracted to them. I can understand 100% why you feel insecure as i do too. If you have asked him to stop chatting to her and he doesn't there is really very little you can do. I literally begged and pleaded with my husband to stop talking to her but the more it upset me the more my husband stuck his heels in about keeping her as a 'friend'. I think it is so wrong of the man to keep doing this when it is clear that the girlfriend / wife is so upset but it seems that however much it might matter to you people will only do what they want to do. I have found that the more this goes on the worse it gets, not better and I really think you need to be very firm. My husband thinks I am ridiculous, crazy, making up things and that the woman is totally blameless and when I spell out to him how manipulative she is he still won't see it and says she isn't bright enough to be like that. She plays this clever game of ringing to see how things are going and to see if she can do anything to help - yes stop ringing!! I would give anything for this woman to be a decent person and to leave him alone but she won't. When I posted a similar question to this it was pointed out to me that my husband was with me not her and to acknowledge that I had the upper hand in the relationship but the constant pressure and not knowing what is going on behind my back is wearing me down. Please send me a private message if you want to discuss this further. My thoughts are really with you on this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 I don't think you will mess up. Don't fall into her trap. I think more likely she will make a fool out of herself. Pretend she doesn't exist. It's not that she loves him. It's about her need to steal because she never gets what she wants in life.
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