A
female
age
30-35,
*ennajozie
writes:Ok, so i've some how developed a lot of strong feelings for my male lecturer. He's definitely hitting the late 30s even 40s and I'm 21.There's something about him I love, we've talked a lot on a personal level too, we just ... click. I guess that sounds a tad weird but I guess you don't control feelings hey... I've pretty much finished Uni now, just have a few essays to hand in and an exam.I sometimes think, a 21 year old female, fancying a 40 year old man ... he'd jump at the chance, right?!I do believe there's attraction there for him too. An example... I was sitting just chatting about random stuff and work, then he'd constantly knock my leg with his foot, then occassionally brush his leg against mine.And its clearly on purpose. What lecturer would have that sort of contact. Also, it was the uni awards ball; we spent a lot of time together there. I asked him what his age actually was and he said I will tell you when you've graduated ... i'm taking this as a hint?? I stupidly said to him; if you want you can kip at my house in the spare room if you want to drink, he replied with not tonight I need to go home... he didn't say no! What does this sound to you, a hint about graduation?I'd really appreciate any advice. I feel confused right now, but I guess I can't help these feelings really! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 I agree with the first poster. You were given good advice last time and nothing has changed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): I've already answered your post earlier on.
This lecturer is quite obviously protecting his own job by leading you on but waiting until after you've graduated, so that you can't complain about his behaviour whilst he was a lecturer.
At the same time, you are getting off on the sense of the sexual power that you may have over him.
Can't you see how sad this whole thing actually is? I mean 'sad' as in 'get a life'? Your need to feel sexually powerful is actually your weakness, it's causing you to psychologically blur boundaries in order to feel powerful and it is drawing this person to you NOT because of your sexual attractiveness but because he can sense your weakness and lack of assertiveness in regard to boundaries. You're setting yourself up to be used and you are probably determined to try to prove that this is not what's happening and that you will not be used. But you will be. IN fact the process has already begun. We are not here to endorse that process or make you feel better about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): I agree with the first poster. You were given good advice last time and I don't think you'll get anything different this time round.
From reading both posts, I don't see anything to indicate that he fancies you. Brushing up against some-one and knocking their foot can happen by accident and I agree with one of the previous aunties who suggested that you are simply over-analysing his behaviour and looking for signs that he reciprocates your feelings. So frantic is your search that you are beginning to see positive signs when there are none.
Yes, he might engage in some mildly flirtatious banter with you but he probably does that with lots of other people.
His response to you asking his age: "I'll tell you when you graduate" is a polite and humorous way of saying "None of your business. I'm not going to tell you."
Likewise his declining your offer of sleeping in your spare room was not a coded message for "maybe another time", it was a polite way of saying no.
And you still haven't answered the question about whether he's married or not. If he is - then you really must leave him alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): You got some answers here and I think it may help to look over them so we can better help you:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-do-people-think-im-21-and-hes.html
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