A
female
age
51-59,
*eanette08
writes:ok this is the first time for this...My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. the funny thing is he never told me we broke up, he just quit answering my calls and texts! We dated a year and a half. we have mutual friends and when asked by them what happened he says he misses me but needs to "chill" for a while. But he still won't answer anything I try! He bought me an engagment ring and everything was perfect. I truly felt he was my soulmate. I know I should move on but something in my gut won't let me. Something tells me to hang on. I know it sounds stupid because like I said, I am still trying to contact him. He is a police officer and changed locations and I feel like maybe he was stressing out. But I just don't understand the no response or explanation from him. We weren't fighting and never fought!I feel like he can't face me and tell me but his profession he shouldn't care. I think it's just that I need closure. How do I get an explanation from him? I refuse to go to his house... afraid of what i might find. ( such as another girl) I don't think he would've cheated but then again i wouldn't have thought he would have done this either. Anyhow, if anyone has any suggestions please send em my way. i just want to be able to get an explanation from him so I can move on and the phone calls and texts are not working. thank you!
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female
reader, jeanette08 +, writes (3 November 2008):
jeanette08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you so much for the advice! its so hard to let him go, i truly thought he was my soulmate from the first time i saw him. we would talk and talk over anything, and laugh at nothing lol. i will always love him but i cant keep living depressed all of the time... it is literally killing me. i have lost 40 lbs over this. i have so much of his things that i need to get rid of because it is a constant reminder of him! i am still close to his 12 year old daughter. (we keep in contact on the computer) she means so much to me also and i told her i will always be there for her and i wont let her down! i dont want to quit talking to her incase of that but it hurts to talk to her. i have never asked her anything about her dad... and i never will! my kids also talk to her on the computer.. i realize now i will never get an answer and i shouldnt have my life on pause because of it. im still not ready to go out and meet anyone, wont be doing that for a long time. and now im way to afraid to trust anyone again. this has crushed me beyond belief! hes not the type to lie so i think he avoided me so i didnt put him in that position where he had to. i love him enough to only wish him happiness and hope that he finds someone that will truly make him happy. thank you again for everything. will the crying ever stop? lol.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Honey, I don't think you are going to get any closure here by calling or ringing him. He knows you are calling and obviously chooses not to answer as he doesn't want to deal with the situation. Men avoid confrontation at all costs. A wise psychologist told me sometimes there are no answers and you have have to accept uncertainty. I was married for a lomg time and one day my husband just up and went with no explanation. He never spoke a word to me again. I texted, phoned, emailed, everything as I wanted an explanation and I got nothing. The more i tried to contact him the more he avolided me like the plague. 2 years on i still have no closure and have got to accept that i never will.
I so feel for you but you have to stop ringing him and as he would see it, bothering him. He has changed locations for his job and that makes it harder for you to find him. Do not under any circumstances go to his house. He will not want it and you will not feel welcome and run the risk of embarrassing yourself. When my ex husband had his first affair i went to the airport to meet him and his girlfriend back from a supposed business trip. I shouted at her and made a complete fool of myself. They all laughed at me and although they were in the wrong I was the one left looking silly and pathetic.
Not getting closure is very difficult to deal with especially if you are the kind of person who likes answers and reasons for everything. I suspect this is not going to be forthcoming from this chap so I suggest you accept that you are not going to get it and be the bigger person in this and leave him well alone. This is very hard indeed but is most definitely the best and only thing you can do. This chap knows your number, knows where you live, if he wants to be in touch he knows how to find you. Keep away from him and try really hard to occupy yourself with things that fill your day so you are tired at night and don't want any confrontation with anyone. This will eventually get better but only if you leave him alone and give him the space he seems to want. This will get better for you I promise but only with the passing of time. x
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