| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone I have a question. I'm really confused lately about how I am feeling about this. Please read this whole thing I know it's long but I really need some advice here. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We've known each other for a while and share all of the same friends. Well, there is this one particular girl in our 'friend group' I guess you could say. Problem is, me and her don't really get along. She's just the type of girl who stirs up a lot of drama, she talks bad about me, she pretends I don't even exist when we're all together with our friends, it's like she's so nice to everyone and not me and purposely likes to upset me and I am at my breaking point with this girl and no longer want anything to do with her. This situation didn't really bother me until she started flirting with my boyfriend too. I realized she added him on Facebook and starting writing on his wall and always sending him messages and talking to him and the majority of what she is sending and writing is flirty and I just find this unacceptable to me and I don't think it's right.The majority of all of our friends are males, including my boyfriend. She's always flirting with everyone, I've even seen her come on to my boyfriend. She literally knows almost all of the same people I do so I'm dealing with her/around her somehow on a daily basis.I'm dealing with this situation everyday of my life. The girl is close with my boyfriends friends so naturally my boyfriend and her are around each other a lot as well, and I am just extremely stressed out and sad...don't know why this girl is being the way she is with me or why she's flirting with my boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't really understand how mean this girl is to me and how uncomfortable I am around her. I've always kept my mouth shut about everything and I've just let this girl continue to be so horrible to me and I am not exaggerating when I say this girl can be absolutely horrible to me, there's quite a past with this girl.Guys I am seriously at a loss here. I know this story may sound just like some other annoying relationship drama story but you really have no idea what I have been going through here and I have no idea what to do. Should I have a serious talk with my boyfriend about this girl? What exactly should I say? This is a difficult situation because it's not like I can just ignore this girl...she's always around. What do you guys suggest I do?-Sarah
View related questions:
facebook, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): You said a key frase:I always keep my mouth shot.
This is exactly what you should not do. Before I answer your question that I read with great interest, I want to advice you to read a book, called TOXIC PEOPLE, I don't remember the author, but this book changed my life.
You are very young, and there will be plentyof people in your life like that girl. People don't treat people in a nasty way if they are happy with themselves. Ussualy there is a drama of some kind going on with that person.
But in no way you should keep your mouth shot. First you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. He needs to stop this flirting. Second, next time when she is mean to you, have a talk with her. Try as much as possible to be nice to her. If you mean back to her, you won't accomplish much. But you will need to have a conversation with her, asking her questions. You can't stay in toxic situations long. It's starts having an effect on you, it's not healthy. So, you have 2 choices: one is to talk to her, let her know how you feel, and see what happens. If she changes her ways around you, then may be you ll have a new friend, if not, you will need to stop your communication with her at all. I know it's hard when you are in one circle of friends, but I would just ignore her completely when u r around her. Just don't talk to her, and basically change location when she is nearing you.
This is call illuminating toxic people from your life. You need to be clear with her abut her. There can't be any unspoken words.
By doing this, I actually saved few friendships that I still have now. One woman in particular had a very annoying way of constantly commenting on me working only one day a week, and taking care of my family, and not being like her a career woman. She would insert these condescending comment into almost every conversation we had with her. Using frases like, o, but you are not doing anything anyway and so on. One day I was fed up. We sat down with her, and I asked what exactly is bothering her with me not working as hard as her. She denied at first the fact that it's even bothering her. I proceeded with reminding her that she is my friend, and as a friend she is supposed to be happy for me that I have a comfortable enough life to do what I want. She just kept on looking at me. I think at that moment she realized that she is not that good of a friend. Then I asked her not to talk to me like that because I find it condescending. It upsets me , I said, to the point that I can't continue our friendship if it will stay like this.
Her reaction was for me very unexpected. She started crying and said, that she loves me and she didn't realize she was hurting me. It was 12 years ago, and we are still friends.
This was a happy story, but not all my stories were like that. I ended up breaking relationships with quite a few people, but my life now is full of people that I really like and bring the best in me.
You need to speak up for yourself, and learn how to trust yourself. Even if you are exaggerating things, this is your life, and you need to stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend if he is a good one, needs to be on your side. Flirtings need to stop. Good luck.
|
