A
female
age
51-59,
*attyana
writes:Is it possible to fall in love with someone even if you really don't fancy them?I have started a relationship with someone, but can't get over the fact that I don't fancy him and feel uncomfortable about it. We are an excellent match in many other areas, but I don't think I will ever fancy him. A good friend of mine told me that as I am an attractive person I should not be with someone if I do not find them attractive and that it would eat away at me in the long run. Is he right? I do worry that I don't feel proud to introduce him as a boyfriend in social situations because we look like such an unlikely couple - he is a lot shorter than me and just not my type at all. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 February 2009):
I think you can get very close to them, and you can have a deep caring for them and respect, but if you don't want to shove them up against a wall and snog their face off then it's going to be a very unhappy relationship.
I have men who I really really like as friends and I can hang out with and chat with for hours. I care deeply for them. But I am married and I do not want them for anything more than the occasional hug.
HOWEVER, if any of these guys had feelings for me then I would have to stop seeing them as it would not be fair to keep them around pining over me when they could be out finding a real girlfriend who would love them back.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (1 February 2009):
 I don't think it will work if you don't fancy the other person however compatible you may be in other areas. My best friend for tens of years (a male) has exactly the same interests as me and will without fail have the same view on every subject. When I got divorced he was there for me and I knew that he was perhaps beginning to want more. I liked him but I was not in love with him. He just was not in any way my physical type. I truly realised this when he was with me on the school run one day and I parked about a mile from the school because I didn't want anyone to think we were 'together'. Isn't that shameful , but it is true. I think you need to say to this lovely man that you appreciate him and think he is the best friend in the world but that you don't feel sexually atrracted to him as this is kinder in the long run.
I have known another couple who just began to love each other but there was no physical attraction at all and as they had similar careers and interests it worked out. If you are a passionate and romantic type however this will never work as you will always be looking to see what is out there then you will using this poor guy as a fall back.
I think you need to be honest and follow your heart and tell him soon as it will be kinder in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): It's difficult to truly love someone, that you have no "chemistry" with. Sounds to me that you have found a "friend," but not a lover. In some cases, though, friendship can evolve into love. However, if you are not proud to be seen with him, that is a problem.
A person doesn't have to be beautiful for another to fall in love with them. But if you can't get passed the outward appearance, that can be a problem. Perhaps you can explain to him that you are not ready for a relationship and would like to remain friends. Friendship has been known to blossom into Love. Take it slow and see what happens. Don't lead him on, state your intentions up front. Cultivate the friendship! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, xxstaceyxx +, writes (1 February 2009):
hello tattyana,you need to weigh up the options here, you need to think whether u can progress and learn to love this guy. However, there should be some level of attractiveness to make this relationship work especially in the sexual department. It can be possible to learn to love someone you dont fancy if you go for personality over looks.You should not worry about what you are stereotyped to look like, I mean sometimes the unlikely couple are the ones who stay with each other in the long run and you shouldnt worry about what people think. You never know he might suprise you if he is not your type and you might prefer him for it because he different to what you usually go for. My boyfriend a lot taller than me but that does not stop me loving him just because he short doesnt make him any different.However, it is unlikely if you think you will never be attracted to him that you could actually see through his looks however, it is up to you just weigh up all the options talk to your closest friends and when the time is right talk too him about it. hope this helps stacex
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