A
male
age
41-50,
*arkknightskies
writes:I have a bit of a dilemma. I went through a messy break up with my ex. However I received a gift from her in the post. It's something I've wanted for a long time and she knows this. Should I return it or keep it? If I return it I'm kind of communicating with her. If I keep it she'll never know I got it. What should I do?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 March 2013):
Duh, keep it! What would be the point of doing anything else? Her motives are irrelevant as well unless you want to get back with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013):
Morally I would return it.. This poor girl in my opinion thinks that this gift that you state she sent you has been something you have wanted for ages, she knows this and I feel thinks somehow, foolishly, that it may start to heal the rift between you both .. Send it back .. She will then get the message that you don't want anything from her and your moving on..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): Keep it. I would text or send a note along the lines of 'thanks, but why?' and see what her reply is. It could be that she regrets the bitterness of your break up and wants set things straight. Fair enough.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): Depends, if I hated her I'd sell it and get drunk with the cash.
If I was doing no contact but didn't hate her I'd keep the gift.
If having that gift was too much of a reminder of her I'd give it to charity.
If I was over her enough that speaking to her would be fine, I'd ask why she sent it and then make a decision on what her reason is.
If she was doing this only to get under my skin and make me contact her out of guilt, I'd hang it on my wall as a trophy of my power over her.
She's your ex, you owe her nothing and a gift is a gift, it's either given freely or it's not a gift it's leverage. OP a gift is your property, regardless of the reasons she sent it you can do what you like with it. Make a youtube video smashing it and send that to her if you like.
...............................
A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 This is not a lot of information to go on, but it sounds like a) she wants to get back together with you, b) she wants to be friends with you, c) she wants to apologise, d) she saw it and knew you'd be thrilled to have it and just wanted to do something nice for you or e) she ordered it before you broke upIf you want to keep it, keep it, but make sure you know why she gave it to you and don't give her the wrong impression. It sounds like you're either too proud or too angry to talk to her, but it would be nice to do it anyway. She obviously still cares about you (unless she ordered it before you broke up and forgot about it), and you should see what she meant by sending it. Also, it would be really rude to keep the gift (that you've been dying to have and is probably expensive/hard to come by) and not at least thank her.If you're still really angry because she did something bad like cheat on you, and you really don't want to talk to her, you should just return the gift with the post. That should convey the message. Keeping it and not speaking to her is not an option.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Honeypie asks good questions. the answers may change what I'm going to say:
I'll assume she mailed it with no return receipt requested or delivery confirmation. that being said,
if you broke up with her and it's recent, she's trying to buy you back. you owe her nothing. yet returning it communicates VOLUMES... it says DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO TRY.
if she broke up with you, and it's recent, she may have had it and still wanted you to have it... weird but possible...
if she sent it not asking for delivery confirmation, then she doesn't care if you got it or not.
THE LAW (and yes there has to be a law for this sadly) in the USA is if you receive unsolicited items in the mail from other people, you owe them NOTHING (folks used to mail things and try to get payment from folks saying "we sent this to you, you owe us money" so the law now states that items sent without you requesting them are gifts and require no action.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Did it comes with a letter? Or just the gift?
And how long ago was this break up and who was the cause of it? (just the gist of it)
...............................
|
