A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am very much head over heels for this guy lets call him Troy. Troy is my ex-BF and we broke up because i was pushing him away because after my last Bf and every other male in my life i find it very hard to trust guys. But when i started to trust him i became very scared and to stop this my mind began to tell me that he was just like the others saying that he will hurt me, so in the end he broke it off with me in a e-mail while before i read the e-mail i decided to end it with him myself. Now it has been 2 months and now i can see that i am head over heels in Love with him and that has never happened before. But the other night i went to a party and he was there and got really drunk. He had never drunk before and i was worried so i looked after him while i was still a bit sober. While i was watching over him he got a txt and was failing to get to it so i helped and the txt ended up beinging from an really old friend of mine who ruined my life for 2yrz and made me end up trying to kill myself and not go to school for a yr. The txt said I MISS You. I began to think what that meant and i relized it wasnt a friendly i MISS YOU but i have a thing for you i miss you, because it was only saturday and she had seen him the day before. My question is What can i do. I don't how i can get him back because i'm a shy person but i have let him know that i do still have feelings for him. I scared because the pain i'm in is not something i can handle because i am not a strong girl. I have even began thinking about moving away. Please i need advice on what to do :( I'm falling to peices
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 May 2009):
 You need to realise this is only a guy you like...nothing worth getting so worked up over! You are very young and you have met a guy you like, this should be fun and something that makes you happy not making you feel like you are falling to pieces!
I'm not sure that you sound like you are mentally stable enough to be in a serious relationship - if you feel like you are falling to pieces over a guy then you have to realise this is not normal and you need help for this.
I suggest you need to be alone for a few months at least, and work on your issues with men and in other areas of your life. Why do you say you are not a "strong girl"? If you cannot handle the pain of a crush on a guy then you will struggle throughout the rest of your life when you have to deal with real pain - therefore I suggest you sort things out now while you are young. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I really feel you should go to your doctors and tell them how you struggle to cope with difficult emotions, this is a clear sign of possibly depression or an anxiety disorder. If you seek help now the doctor/therapist will be able to help you work on your issues and you will soon be feeling like you can handle anything!
I know therapy/seeing a doctor is scary and you will be worried what other people may think of you, but the truth is no-one needs to know. Seeking help is a sign that you are a strong person, someone that knows they need help is in a much better position than someone who wont admit they need it. There is no shame in needing help either - these mental issues you describe are illnesses that need treating otherwise just like a disease, they get worse.
With regards to this guy you like, it sounds like you pushed him away so he has moved on to someone else i.e. this "friend" who ruined your life. Maybe he doesnt know what she did to you, maybe he does. Either way, it is not important. The thing is you broke up therefore he is allowed to text whoever he wants, you have no say over this anymore. If you truly believe you love him then you have to tell him - he may still have feelings for you but thinks you dont want him. It is worth telling him if you really believe that this is love. I personally do not think you are ready emotionally to be in a relationship and have lots of issues that will only re-surface if you got back together.
However it is entirely your choice - either go get some professional help and sort out these issues you have; or you can just come clean to this guy you like about how you feel and see how he feels about you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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