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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been flirting with a man from work for a few weeks and to my delight he asked me out recently. (though we are keeping it secret from people at work) The problem is people at work keep gossiping about me fancying another man who works there and who happens to be one of my dates' closest friends. There is some truth in the gossip as the other man has asked me out in the past and has told me he loves me and for awhile I had very strong feelings for him. Now we are just close friends. I've told my new date that I don't fancy this man but I don't think he believes me and is causing tensions not only between us but between them as friends. What should I do?
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female
reader, cheeky_minx1987 +, writes (3 October 2005):
tell your new man (congratulations btw) the history of you and his friend... tell him that he USED to really like u always say used otherwise he will feel uncomfortable arouind his friend cos he nose he likes u too... tell him u had strong feelings for him but this was old just in the past... say im with you because i want to be with you... i want to make a go of things if i wanted to be with anyone else then i wudn be standing here telling you all this. hope this helps :D
A
female
reader, xixi +, writes (3 October 2005):
I think the best thing to do is to talk to both of them, somewhere outside of the office where no one will see you, maybe after work. You’ll probably only be able to talk to one at a time, but definitely tell them both that you are talking to the other guy too, so it’s completely open and honest communication. Tell the first guy, with whom you’re no longer interested, that you want to date his friend and hope that’s ok with him and ask him to keep that confidential from anyone at work. Then tell the one you want, that you’ve talked to his friend and cleared it with him and set the record straight that you’re definitely not interested in the other one and his friend now knows about you two.
Office romance is always tricky. It’s definitely best to try to keep it confidential when you first start dating. I know from experience! I fell in love with someone at work, and now we live happily together in our new house. Once we knew we definitely wanted to be together for the long-term, we started to tell people in our office, just one at a time, the ones we consider to be our friends. We told them to keep it under wraps until we felt comfortable to let everyone know. Once people realize your relationship is for real, and not just for sex, then they don’t really gossip anymore. It’s the sex scandal part that they want to gossip about.
Try to keep your relationship professional in the office at all times and leave the flirting for after work. Don’t give your coworkers anything to gossip about. It’s hard at first, but it pays off in the long run. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntieChrissy +, writes (3 October 2005):
Tell your date. Tell him plain and straight that this is the truth. If he's worth holding on to, he'll belive you.
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