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male
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anonymous
writes: My GF is great. She is the mother of my daughter and she also has one son. She was recently looking through my computer and found an e-mail that was sent to me by someone. It was very detailed and romantic. I no longer have anything to do with that person, but she doesn't believe me when I tell her that. She is always beating herself up over her looks and that she isn't what I want. Help! What can I do to prove to her that she is? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ferraro-lisa +, writes (18 July 2005):
first things first if you have nothing to do with that person anymore then why did you keep the email! The only way this can be worked out is in time.... You must still have something for this person or atleast feel special when you read it but remember there is two in this relationship, if you have nothing to hide then everything will settle down.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
tell her again that you have nothjing more to do with this person and change your email so that they cant contact you any more.
reassure your girlfriend by paying her compliments, taking her out and making her feel special.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (18 July 2005):
 I think that you need to think less about making your computer secure (as said below) as this will only arouse suspicion from your girlfriend that you have something to hide! And perhaps more about giving your partner lots of love and reassurance. I think you are already doing this.
Snooping isn't too nice but if she is that insecure and low on self-esteem, I think it is more so understandable.
Tell her all the reasons why you love her. Reassure her that you don't want anyone else.
I think she may benefit from seeing a counsellor to investigate the reasons for her low self-esteem. She could talk through why she may feel this way.
I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2005): Many of us will read your letter and wonder why she is snooping into your e-mail, in the first place?? First of all, I totally agree that snooping is wrong but we've all done it! It's not a nice thing to do, but we are human beings and we have human, normal curiosities. Now with that said, Your g/f does seem very insecure about your love for her and to come across this e-mail would have shook her up a fair amount.
Keep reassuring her of the "true facts behind this e-mail" and the feelings she has will eventually fade away. Show her the DATE on the e-mail..that should be enough to convince her that this letter was written before she and you got together. And she should realize you had a past...we all have had pasts.
I might suggest you change your passwords so no one including your g/f can access your computer information. If you aren't prepared to do this, then the next thing you should do is: go into your e-mail account and DELETE all "damning letters, notes and other messages" so this won't happen again. Take Care
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