A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and m (I hardly know what to call him anymore, lets go with ex) have been friends for 4 years or so, then me and him were friends with benefits for a year, then became official for a month before we called it off. It was then I realized why he had never wanted the boyfriend/girlfriend title, he's terrified of commitment and literally destroy any relationship he's in. I stopped talking to him for 3 months or so, within that time he had become bf/gf with another girl, who also lasted only a month. Then he slept with his other ex a few times, I remained friends with him, and he was telling me he wanted to get back together with the 'other ex' but then something happened, and he no longer wanted to be with her. I starting 'seeing' him again, and after a little while he hired his ex as his secretary. I told him I didn't want to repeat history, and that we should just stick as friends, but he told me, he didn't want me to go, and would go through therapy and stop doing weed to keep me. I stayed, hoping he'd get better, but since he's been working with his ex, he no longer talks to me like he used to, and hanging out with her and his friends, and I no longer even get a good night. We talked and he told me I have nothing to worry about, but he has to use 'kid gloves' when he's talking to me, and that I'm not there for him since he's got his meds for his bipolar disorder. I'm heartbroken, I feel like I've always been there for him, and I'm still with him, trying to bring back what we had, trying to be there for him while having a broken heart of my own. Please Please, I need advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (7 March 2009):
He's really just not that into you. Move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): Red Flags All Over The Place! You know how he feels about commitment...he has told you, and actions speak louder than words! You have seen it for yourself with his history. This guy is not going to change...add bi-polar into the mix, and you've got big troubles ahead. I'm sorry but I hear the term bi-polar, and I duck!
I was married to a man for over 16 years who suffered from bi-polar disorder. It was a bad marriage that I kept hoping would get better! It didn't, it got worse than I could've ever imagined! He was a liar, abusive, and controlling! Why did I stay so long??? Because I wanted to be there for him. Wanted to fix him. Trying too be there for him while having a broken heart of my own. (along with ribs, nose, and other body parts)
You can't help him! Nothing you do will change the way he is. Trust me, I know!
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