A
female
age
36-40,
*ebe87
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year now, we had a rocky start to our relationship of me running to my ex and him doing the same, the only difference was I always confessed to what I did. He on the other hand did not; I had to catch him in a lie and so on. Therefore from there on I sort of always thought I had to find for myself in finding out if he is doing something wrong which has lead to my trust for him non existent in a way. I would say that over this year journey with him we have had a roller-coaster of love, hurt, pain and anger. I love him so very much and he holds a big part of my heart. The past 5 months or so he hasn't done anything bad that I have found, but in the back of my mind I am always concerned even though I don’t have anything to hold against him that has been of anything recent. Am I holding a grudge for what he has done to me in the past? Just this morning we had one of our biggest fights ever, over something obviously small which is always what it is, he ended up telling me to get all my Sh*t out of 'his' house and yelling at me calling me a slut and said some very VERY hurtful things to me as I was packing all my stuff he kept at it. I ended up getting in his face and something, whatever it was clicked within him and he put his arms around me and held me tight as I fell to the floor crying so bad, he kept saying what a fuck up he is and he cant believe what he has done to me and he feels so awful such and such, I had to be at work so I kept telling him to let me leave because I was done, and that he has taken everything out of me that I had left, I told him I needed to get out of this hell hole (His house) and then I walked out the door (With none of my stuff) So then I get to work in an absolute mess, I was crying, shaking even sick to my stomach. I was so distraught by the way he had treated me so heartless and the awful words he threw at me. I put on my facebook, "It's hard being at work, trying to hide that everything is ok" right before I had posted that his brother instant messaged me talking about the BBQ/pool party we are having at my bf's house today and I said, "you might want to go check on him because we just had a huge breakup" then he said, "you guys breakup 2 times a week". Meanwhile I was texting my bf and it seemed his whole attitude had changed from when I left, which when I left he was on his knees crying to me and now it was I am tired of this fighting bullshit and you attitude which is bad 99 percent of the time, then saying I am not going to crawl back to you on my ass begging for you, I am sick and tired of fighting about the past and you not trusting me, if we can stop that then maybe this can work" So to me as I was already to fresh of being broken down to nothing practically he had pushed me further down, not giving me any sort of sympathy. Then it was like I had to say I was sorry and that I won’t bring up the past anymore either and that I truly love him, etc etc.... Someone please help me! Am I doing something wrong?? Because I will be the first to stand up and take responsibility for my actions!
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (8 August 2010):
 It sounds like you two need to learn how to fight. If you are constantly having drama, then you need to step back and stop feeding into it. It takes two to tango. Try reading some relationship books and learning how to have a constructive argument, i.e. leaving the past in the past and not bringing it up today. It will be a hard journey but it will make you better in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): wow.. all i can say is that this guy is emotionally abusive. any type of abusive is never good. or even sincere.
plus, he already got u in his fingertips. you need to break free in order to be happy and find the true guy. you are young, you don't know what a real love is. real love is respect and tenderness. sure arguments will always occurs, but not this kind of arguments where he throws mean words and kick you out.
a healthy relationship also need trust. he has misused your trust too often before. it is not your fault your trust towards him is gone. in order to get it back, he has to earn it. girls always have this instinct of the guy she with. your instinct tells you this guy is bad for you, and to confirm it, you caught him once too many times now.
people don't change instantly. he will change eventually i hope, but i am afraid that he will not change any time soon. in order to tell if this relationship is worth keeping, try not to keep in touch with him for two months. meaning no calls, texts, emails etc (don't even try to find out how he is doing).. the purpose of this is to free yourself from his fingertips and give you a chance to understand yourself and see yourself in different perspective. this is not a breakup, it is simply giving you time to evaluate things in your life.
don't give in to temptations or emotions. i can tell that you are wreck emotionally by this guy. give yourself some time to pull yourself together. find another place to stay for awhile. after two months, you will be able to know what to do. he will to too.
good luck.
PS : this is also a test. you will understand it after the two months ends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Just move on...both of you have done "things" behind each other backs and although you confessed, you still did something you shoudlnt' have when being in a committed relationship. He may never trust you and you may never trust him. The only way this relationship will work is if the both of you are serious and willing to put the work in that is necc. in assuring this can turn around for the better. That means no lies or secrets..total honesty.
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