A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys just wondering if i could have some opinions! Myself and my new boyfriend, both 21 have been together for about 2 1/2 months. Last night he found out (in a conversation between us two where i couldnt lie) about a guy he knows who i had a fling with a good 5 or 6 months ago. To me this was no big deal i didnt see the point of mentioning it, im still mates with the guy i catch up with him here and there. It was ages ago it doesnt mean anything. He got incredibly upset over this and started saying things like "do you still like him" "why do u still catch up with him" etc i spent ages trying to tell my bf his the one i want to be with thats why im with him and i didnt even know him when this happened its the past.Am i meant to mention every guy iv had a thing with before i knew him? I now feel incredibly guilty hanging around another of my male friends that had something happen because my bf doesnt know and i feel like im hiding things from him but it was all before i ever met him!Are these kind of things better just left untold? I know if i tell him anything more he will just get upset and not weant me to see these people. (Not that i care if i dont!) I feel he is incredibly insecure i would never do anything to hurt him how can i gain his trust that i feel iv lost over nothing? Personnally i am not interested in who he has been with before i met him!I just want to make things how they were before. maybe he just needs time to deal with it?any opinions much apprciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): I agree with 11muds11.
If you still have contact with this ex-fling, then your current guy definitely has a right to know that your relationship with him has been sexual at some point.
A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (9 July 2010):
Sorry I had better amend my answer.Again I think the problem is this guy. I understand his point of view. But I have to admit I see why you did this. I'm sorry I read it as something more serious.I still think you need to sit down and assure him and for you to see his point of view better. I understand why you did what you did. But I understand his reaction too. It was a bit too harsh, and you have to tell him that you won't accept that. But you should look at it from his perspective and understand why he is upset. I'm sure that's why he got more and more angry - because you couldn't understand it. But he has no right to control you. Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 July 2010):
Don't tell him anymore. He won't be able to take it. He's already proved that once. Your past is your past, and is really none of his business. All he needs to know about is that you have no STD's. Anything else is your business. And it's clear he can't handle being told once what happened, so it's also clear he won't handle anymore.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (9 July 2010):
I think the problem here is this guy. If you have a friend who is an ex, you should mention this to your boyfriend after you are officially "going steady". I know I would be upset.
Every guy has seen at least one of his friends lose his girl to an ex. He has a right to be worried even if you are not that type of girl at all. Exes who are friends must be pointed out to avoid problems.
You have to sit down, explain why you have a relationship with him now, and assure him that there is nothing between the 2 of you anymore. You need to do this with every guy who's still a friend. That's all.
Always do this to avoid disaster. In this case, he is right. Apologize, assure, and move on.
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