A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, wondering whether I can get any good advice. I'm 37 and my girlfriend is 36. We've been together 8-months and we're definitely at the in love stage. I've just one little worry...Due to our work patterns we usually only get to see each other once or twice a week. This is usually in the evening and we stay over at each other's houses. Sometimes we get the day off together, about once a month. When we see each other we get on great and hug and kiss a lot. In the first few months we had sex every time we met, usually I made the first move I noticed, but that was fine, didn't and still doesn't bother me at all. However the last couple of times we haven't got intimate at all! One night we'd been to a party, the night was late and we'd had a good drink so crashing was fine. I saw her last night, we'd texted during the day, flirty texts saying how excited we both were about a nice chilled evening in together. Certain promises were made to me in the texts if you know what I mean ;). Evening was nice and then she said right, shall we go to bed.....then she just went to sleep. I can't tell you how disappointed and frustrated I felt! Now, I know sex isn't everything about a relationship but I just think that when we don't see each other THAT much that when we do I think sexual intimacy is a very important part of a relationship! After lying there a few hours unable to sleep (she was lay naked next to me, which didn't help). I got up, got dressed and said I was heading home. I said I was restless and there was no point me tossing an turning and disturbing her sleep. Partly true but partly I was frustrated and feeling a bit pissed off.I know she loves me and I know that when we have sex we both enjoy it. Physically I know she orgasms because I usually finish her off orally and can feel it. Plus I can tell the build up because there's an involuntary like pull or jerk in either her legs or stomach that must be attached to the nerves and she squirts a little which tastes different. Saying that just to prove I know she's not faking it.Am I wrong to want sex most times we see each other? It's important to me and when we build up thru' the day and then when I see her..nothing i feel annoyed! It's happened a few times.Comments anyone??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Thanks for your replies :). We do things together all the time when we're free. If it's an evening and we only have a few hours with one if us working early the next day we stay in but other than that we do stuff. On two occasions we've managed to get a full week off together, during those times I've paid for us to go on mini breaks and stuff. Go out for meals, cina etc.. I don't think we're stuck in a routine, we don't see each other enough for that. in fact I asked her a few weeks ago was she pissed off with me or bored with us because she was a little quiet. She replied that she imagined it would hard to ever be bored with me. Turns out she was just upset over something until I got it out of her.So, should I expect more? We talk about anything but I feel I don't want to offend her by saying...come onnn, I really want sex tonight!! Besides I want her to want to.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 May 2012):
 HI
When you only see each other twice a week there is nothing wrong with expecting, wanting sex,its perfectly normal.
Just make sure thats not ALL you do when you get together, make it the icing on the cake after spending quality time doing other stuff.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 You are male, not female. This is not something a lesbian would write about.
There are people who falls asleep even standing up! You have to make sure the day time activities won't lead to crashing at night. Good for you for pleasing her. At her age she should understand what blue balls mean. Don't think who's right who's wrong. Just mention to her that you are aware that the sex thing cooled off after a few months and you thought that sex would be regular, and that it's important for you in a relationship, to feel loved. What changed after 7 months could be you've gotten into a routine, she needs to extra oomph to make her feel connected to you. Some women needs to feel emotionally connected in order to want sex while some men just need a place. It's building up in your system and you need a release. For women they can get wet, enjoy the kisses and if there's no sex they can still go to bed fine without the frustration. It does not mean she's not fancying you anymore. She needs to understand how a man feels and at the same time you don't take this personally. As unromantic as it sounds, schedule two nights a week for just you two alone, indoors just focusing on your energies sitting across each other and express your positive thoughts. She needs to know that you are not just in this for sex and you need to know what makes her feel connected.
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A
male
reader, Dataluke +, writes (18 May 2012):
 A lot of men are afraid of making sex a priority in relationships because they are afraid they will be met with hostility from their partner over it. But you are right to give sex a high place in your relationship, it is one of the best bonding exercises in a relationship and brings people closer together than anything else.If you feel this frustrated over this then talk to your girl friend about it, be honest with her. Tell her you know that sex isn't everything in your relationship but you value it very much and you feel it brings you closer together. If she loves you then she will understand and hopefully something can be worked out.I hope this has been helpful,All the best, Dataluke
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