A
male
age
,
*irk Pitt
writes:My wife and I haven’t got on for years - she hasn’t slept with me for 8 years, and hasn’t even slept in the same room for 5!Two weeks after Christmas last year I was diagnosed with cancer. I couldn’t stay at my flat while having chemo due to the lack of heating (which the landlord took 3 months to fix!) and damp patches on the ceilings. I’m as well as can be now, given the derogatory effects of the treatment.The mother of my son’s girlfriend offered to put me up for a while and we struck up a really good relationship. We share a lot in common, neither of us want to re-marry, but like the idea of companionship, someone to share an evening, weekends, with, walks along the beech, etc.During the time that I was away my wife started divorce proceedings but the solicitor halted them due to my illness (I just wish they’d have carried on) - the divorce is going ahead now, and my wife is looking for other accommodation.The crunch is… neither of our children are keen on us having this relationship - my son’s girlfriend has made her feelings quite clear apparently, and her mum doesn’t want to risk their relationship or that with the grandchildren.My ex, my son’s mother, can be interfering and has made my son change his name, and even decided what priest would do their children’s Christening, something that my son and his girlfriend disliked (and won’t let her interfere again).But I can’t help thinking that they are doing exactly that to the relationship between me and her mum.My son and girlfriend don’t want to end up step brother and sister, and won’t. We are just two people thrown together by circumstance that really get on and don’t want to be alone for the rest of our lives (and mine feels like it’s been shortened a bit!). Am I wrong to try and pursue this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): her son is being selfish. has she tried to explain to him that he should be happy that she has a chance to be!!
you are doing nothing wrong here, you are compromising by not marrying already, how much more do they want!!!?
A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (11 December 2010):
If both you and the woman concerned WISH to pursue the relationship you WOULD BE QUITE WRONG NOT TO !
Who are your son and his gf to object ?
You are their elders and betters and you should politely tell them to f. off and let you both pursue happiness where you have found it.
This is not a finely balanced issue : grab your happiness with both hands. [ Assuming your friend wishes to do likewise. ]
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I can understand your boyfriend's girlfriend not being thrilled about it but really there's technically nothing wrong with it.
Take things slow and see how it goes. You never know people might come round to the idea. Like you said, you're not exactly going to get married or anything and if she makes you happy then go for it.
After what you have been through it sounds like you deserve a bit of happiness. I wish you well with you recovery.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 No you are not wrong here at all. Its your life and they need to accept what makes you happy. I can understand that they dont want to become step brother and sister, but sit down and explain to them that it will never happen, have a heart felt conversation with them tell them you are on the road to recovery and that you feel like you have been giving a second chance in life, tell them that this woman makes you feel happy again and that you both want to be close and be there for each other. Tell them you respect there wishes but that they are happy together and they should allow you both to be happy together as well. Let them set some boundries that they would be comfortable with but explain to them that they cant rule the both of your lives. Through time they will learn to accept it. Goodluck.
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