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female
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*ak
writes: I am a "way too overinvolved" mom as my 17 year old daughter puts it. But I need input from other parents as to my "over involvement". She has been "married", as she puts it, for the last 2 years, pretty much since she started dating, with 2 different guys. With the internet, her life is pretty much an open book and though I should give her privacy, I tend to read her messages and check her space which has really opened my eyes to alot!Her relationships tend to be "toxic": controlling, fights constantly, etc. and I am constantly looking over her shoulder. She can't seem to make the break when she knows she should----am I wrong to snoop?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 She is 17. She is a minor. She is putting privte information on a public forum. By law, you have every right to snoop to do what you must to keep her safe.If what you say is true about her behavior in relationships, then obviously she has not demonstrated good judgement. When she is an adult, that is a different story.Do not keep her ignorant of the truth, just protect her from violence.-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Hi martini.....we got to chat soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): Hey Shania... [wink]
As to Jak's inquiry, I don't think you're wrong to snoop, but just don't make it a habit of nagging your daughter about what you find. It's nice to be there for her when you think she wants it. Not sure how your relationship with her stands, but instead of confronting her about her issues, you can always hint to her that you're there to listen and give advice if she wants it.
A lot of teens like to have their own space. For some, it takes a few years until things settle in that their parents aren't as bad as they initially thought - depending on the parents of course.
Just take it easy. Put your foot down as all mom's do to reason, but as far as her personal life goes, as long as its stuff like that and not stuff like taking drugs, drinking booze to no end, and causing trouble, then it's all fine and dandy.
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female
reader, shania +, writes (17 October 2006):
Yes,you are wrong to snoop as your daughter is nearly a woman and needs to make her own mistakes but obviously you are a very concerned mother and of course you are worried about her welfare,what mother wouldn't be.If you want to help your daughter the best thing you can do is be there for her when she needs you,dont tell her that you have been looking through her stuff,that will only alienate her against you and you dont want that.Why dont you have a nice chat with her and ask her if anything is troubling her?...Let her know that you are there for her and that you wont judge on what she has done.When your daughter knows that she can talk to you then she will open up more.
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