A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for about year and a half, we're now living apart in different countries due to my work commitments. The thing is he's just lost his job and has a mortgage and bills to pay. So he can't afford to come and see me as much as i'd like, the problem is we're only within 1 hour flying distance from each other and flights are so cheap. I beg him to let me pay for a flight for him to come over so we can see each other, and he says he cant justify coming over when he has no money, however he manages the time to go out on a Wed, Fri, Sat night with his friends and spends at least 20 pounds on a night out. I know i might seem a little crazy but am i wrong for feeling bad about this? If it was me i would do anything so we could spend time together ... Am i really wrong for thinking like this???
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cheap, different countries, lost his job, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (25 January 2008):
 in that case this changes things, he is less interested i would assume. Maybe you dont have enough things in your life outside the relationship, maybe he feels you put your work before the life you two made together originally (if you were forced to move in your job , which may or may not be the case) {its always possible and sometimes positive to move sideways in the career ladder rather than up as it might even be a diagnal upward move}, or maybe he just is drifting away........
its your call and follow your gut
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the comments, i forgot to say in my question that i do go home and see him at every oportunity i forgot to mention that as its not a problem for me to go home but for him it seems to be to come over ... on my days off i'l fly home or it be my 28 holiday days a year i have i used on going to see him and as i said this doesn't bother me as i ove him and want to see him, but would like to feel the same from him ... once again thank you for your comments
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (25 January 2008):
you want him to come to see you but dont seem to see that if you are that bothered maybe you should make the effort to see him.
if your work is an important commitment then so is his mortgage and his social world, and people need a life of their own.
if you both cannot compromise you are ultimately not going to work out in the long run.
obviously you think that your larger bank balance means that you should be able to have him do what you want him to do-because you can buy his time... in life you cant buy everything. If the journey is long then why would he want to disrupt his life and if not why can you not make it?
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A
male
reader, lboy +, writes (24 January 2008):
 dear reader,i see what u mean about him going out alot and not coming to see you, but i must admit he does need to spend sometime with his friends maybe u should ask him to go out less often and save some money to come see you, or maybe you could take time off work to go see him. also the reason he won't let you pay for him to come over might be because he isn't the kind of guy to let someone pay that much money one something for them, im the same and so are alot of people, its all a about pride, if u are the woman in the relationship he may not be comfortable about the fact that you are spending alot of money on him when he wants to be the one to spoil you. well that is all the advice i can give you good bye and if u need more help then u can ask another question in your followup.good lucklboyxxx
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I would be upset too. He can go out with friends but won't go to see you? That's a bit off. If he won't go to see you, then you should go see him. Make it a surprise.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 He has his own priorities and his own reasons for not taking up your offers. You should let it go.Why not you visit him ?Since you care more about him.
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