A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for roughly a year now. We'll call him A. A and I have an all around great relationship except for a few things here and there. Whats bothering me the most is that if not all of his friends most of them hate me and talk bad about me to A. They call me names and try and convince my boyfriend that I am a waste of time and I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm immature. I'm insecure. I'm a b*tch. Heres the thing. I've never met any of them and of course they are all female. I don't understand their reasoning behind saying what they do but the fact of the matter is that its upsetting. I feel like this horrible girlfriend when in reality I know thats not true. A gets so upset with me and says he's tired of going through this with me and tired of hearing about it. Am I wrong in being so upset that all of his close friends hate me and don't even know me? I don't know where they got their opinions or even how the formed them but its starting to tear me and A apart. I can't stand the fact that he allows his friends to basically trash talk me. Half of the crap advice they give him he listens to. Any advice or suggestions?
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immature, insecure, says he's tired Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): No,you are not wrong.But you shouldn't let it get to you.
But it is wrong that he doesn't stand up for you.You're his
girlfriend,and he shouldn't let anybody talk trash about someone he cares about.Nobody should.But they propably just
want him and are jealous cause you got him.
A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 After reading your update, i would break up with him.
He obviously doesn't respect you.
He sounds like a jerk.
I'm sure you can find a better boyfriend, who will stick up for you, and treat you well.
Good luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never met any of his friends because they are all female and that would be a huge issue for me especially since one of them is his ex. I do trust my boyfriend but its getting to the point where these other girls and what they have to say is ruining our relationship. After hearing that I'm a waste of time and such a bad girlfriend for so long I've started to believe it. Its even more upsetting that they are such good friends of his yet I've never met them. That sounds fishy to me. Not to mention the fact they are so willing to bash me and he doesn't stand up for me and even on one or two occasions has said some things about me behind my back. I've tried so many times to make him understand its not the fact he talks to girls that bothers me its the fact that he allows them to talk down about me and he only talks about me when he's upset with me. So to all these friends and even some family members I look like a horrible girlfriend when I'm not. He doesn't understand. He says that he has his own friends and I can't dictate who he talks to and I need to stop being so insecure and caring what others have to say. He says if he didn't want to date me he wouldn't. He totally misses the point.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (18 July 2008):
I think you have every right to be upset about what is being said about you! And I think it must make the situation even worst that your bf is not being sensitive to your feelings and hes not standing up for you, his gf!!!
Your bf should be standing up for you to his friends. They are his friends so he has to set the boundaries with them and tell them that he will not accept them bashing you.
I dont know exactly why they are saying these bad things about you either but here are a few possibilities...
They could be jealous that there friend spends alot of time with you his gf, so the yhave less time wiht him. So they may be trying to break you guys up so they can have more time wiht him. Or the ymight have crushes on him, so therefor tryign to break him up again.
Or maybe he has portrayed you in a negative light, therefor they feel they have 'good reason to bash you'.
Have you tried asking your bf why they say such bad things? Why does he think they do? Has he made any attempt to get them to stop? Or does he not even try because he doesnt understand why it would upset you?
Honestly, if your guy cannot understand how incredibly wrong this situation is and if he cannot stand up for you then he isnt a very strong person and perhaps hes too immautre to be in a relationship. A person who is mature and ready for a relationship needs to know how to set boundaries with there friends and in this case your bf is not doing it.
I suggest you sit down and have a talk with him about how it really does hurt your feelings and ask him where they get such negative thoughts from. Ask him to stand up for you...even though you shdoulnt have to ask.
You could also ask him if you could meet his friends, that way maybe if they get to knwo you, they will see how truly great you are! I am also curious as to why you have never met them since you guys have been going out for a fair while??
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