A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for five years. We recently moved in together after 2 years in a long distance relationship. I'll get straight to the point. I found some pictures of this girl in his phone and asked him who she was. He told me that it was his best friend and they've been friends for years. I knew who the girl was but I never thought that they were that close because in five years I've heard him talk to her once and he's only mentioned her maybe twice. So I was a little taken aback because I had no idea he was so close with this other female and tells her everything, even stuff about me. I keep thinking that if these two were SO close, I would have had to know something about it in 5 years. I shrugged it off and knew that my boyfriend is not the most open person in the world, so I let it go. So one day I get on myspace searching around, I type her name in and her page came up. I sent her a friend request and I typed her a message introducing myself and told her that I just wanted to stop through and say hello. She denied my friend request and I got a message from her a few days later asking me "what do you really want to know?" Now I'm thinking, "what is she talking about". On top of that my boyfriend is upset that I even spoke to her in the first place and she's threatening me like I've done something horribly wrong.My question is, was it really wrong for me to look my boyfriends "best friend" up on myspace and say hello and am I right for thinking there's something more to this "best friends" story my boyfriend is feeding me. I don't understand this AT ALL and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE some feedback.Thank you.
View related questions:
best friend, long distance, moved in, myspace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): I can relate to your problem a lot. My boyfriends hides his phone all the time. If you really love this guy and you think ur bf is serious about you, then work it out, otherwise break it off. It sounds very suspicious to me; and having moved in together recently after a LD relationship really rises the questions. He has to be straight with you about what is really his relationship with her, then supervise him for a while and see what's really up. We women have a sense for infedelities from man, and man will always try to cheat. You are not going to break it off 'cause you have no evidence, get the evidence then get rid of him. The man is inocent until proven otherwise.
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (28 December 2007):
 I do not understand why he will not talk to you. Even if he will not talk make him listen, and tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe it is best that he doesn't talk you will not have any interruptions. I do not suggest an ultimatum but if he is not willing to open with you about this relationship then I would seriously think about is this the type of relationship you want to invest any more time in. After five years you deserve an explanation AND a proper introduction. She does not have to like you but he should demand that she acknowledge your relationship and respect it.
What kind of friend is she, I would never cause any unneccessary problems in my friends relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question**Her reaction to your friend request indicates that there is something fishy going on**
Rockelle, I totally agree with you. She knew who I was so she should have had no problem accepting it, even if she didn't know me that well. I'm her best friend's girlfriend, even if she doesn't know me, she knows about me & you would think she'd try to be friendly.
It's not like I looked her address up and showed up at her door step, asking her out to the movies. I sent her a friend request on myspace. Is that really a big deal?
Thanks for your response, you're basically agreeing with me and the other responders to my question. The crazy thing is I really know the answer to my own questions, & I hear what yall folks have to say & I know something's off but.... I continue to stay.
He wont talk to me. Any other suggestions?
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (26 December 2007):
I do not think you did anything wrong. If she is his BestFriend I would like to think it would be a good idea for him to introduce you and be hopeful that you two will get along. Her reaction to your friend request indicates that there is something fishy going on, and eventually it will come out. If I were you I would be very cautious because after five years an unknown BFF seems a little shady. Good luck, and listen to that little voice it is almost never wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, THANK YOU for all of your responses! You all have basically wrote exactly what I was thinking. I feel that he has got to be hiding something. I'm not saying that he's sleeping with this girl, but something isn't right. This girls threats are nothing to worry about. I'm a 6 ft. ex basketball player & she's like 4'11, so I wouldn't let it escalate to violence. She's just being really bitchy and saying stuff like "you better quit while you're ahead". This I just don't get because all I've said to the girl was "hi" & when she responded to this by asking me "so what do you really wanna know", I told her that I was REALLY just being friendly & I didn't understand why her attitude was so stank. This is really what I'm puzzled about... Why was this such a problem for me to look this girl up on myspace and say hey? I never thought my boyfriend was cheating on me with her, I never looked her up to snoop and try to bust him. That is the argument that he is presenting. This is not flying with me because I told him that I looked her up the day that I did, I never hid that fact. I told him that it wasn't snooping, I search for people on myspace all the time. When I found out that they were so close, I looked her up to say hello to her because I knew she had to know about me. Was this wrong? Is her bad attitude justified because people shouldn't search for other people on myspace... in the little search box that they put there for you to search for other people? =) Yes I have trust issues with this man. When he moved in his cell phone was in more hiding than Bin Laden. When I got suspicious I started looking for it. I found it in his book bag, pants, in the closet, pajama pants... everywhere, but on the charger where most people (who aren't hiding anything) put there when they go to bed. Anyway, I'm rambling on & on.. I apologize. Thanks again for all your responses, I don't have anyone to talk to so hearing others' input is nice. I don't say that for pity, it's just the truth.
thanks again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lily Bell +, writes (26 December 2007):
I have always found that trusting my intuition or my gut feeling has never led me wrong. Now I didn't say I always listened to it immediately but in the long run it would become clear that I was right on target. You ask if it was wrong for you to look up this girl on myspace/ Everybody will have an opinion -- I ask you did it serve you well? I have a saying "she with the most information wins." How can you make a decision about this boy/man if you don't know the whole story so it seems to me you were gathering facts to be able to make make a decision about your future with this person. My best friend is a man and his girlfriend(s)have always known about our friendship. He has never tried to "hide" me from them or not talk about me, etc. So in my opinion it sounds like he is trying to hide something but you have to decide what you can live with and what you can't. Good Luck.LilyBell.
...............................
A
female
reader, xAngeliquex  +, writes (25 December 2007):
 I can understand why you'd think this is a bit weird, her reaction to you adding her on myspace was a bit untoward and seems a little TOO defensive for someone who has nothing to hide.
Five years sounds pretty solid. I'm not totally sure whether I can say what IS going on because I obviously haven't seen how your boyfriend is acting and things. Is he all of a sudden more possessive & secretive about his stuff eg his phone?
They seem to be acting pretty defensively, as if there wasn't anything going on you'd expect them to be calmer & more laid back. Then again, maybe he got upset because he feels you don't trust him enough to be close friends with a girl?
But anyway, I don't think you're wrong at all.. it's natural to want to jump in at the sight of anything that seems as if it could jeopardize your happiness [in this case, you and your guy] The obvious thing would be to speak with him.,.but I'm unsure of how that would turn out. Has he ever cheated on you before? How long have you known this girl? Could you not speak with her, or are you two not civil with eachother. And I'm curious to know to what degree these threats have reached.
...............................
A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (25 December 2007):
 ok, its not wrong at all.your just being a little protective.just talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.if the girl is threatening you, then tell her that you didnt mean to upset her,you just wanted to talk to her and find out the truth.i hope i helpedlove and kissesfeel free to message me if you ever need anything
...............................
A
female
reader, xxbaybeegal +, writes (25 December 2007):
 well im supporting you, because if your boyfriend was open he would have told you about his ' best friend' all the time, also it isnt wrong to look up someone on myspace, but the fishy part of the story is why did she not accept you friend request, why is your bf upset for talking to her. im sur that something is going on because of what you've written it sounds like you bf is quite, quiet you need to talk to him or something could be going on right in front of your eyes!
...............................
|
