| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I was watching my girlfriend cleaning out her closet/junk drawer and I happen to notice some things. Things like old pictures, cards, and letter from ex-boyfriends that she still keeps. I can't say I don't care but it is bothering me. The way I see it, if someone keeps "stuff" that can trigger old memeories, those memories can lead to longer and/or doubts in the present relationships? I'm I wrong for wanting to burn them all? Advice please. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Marlene +, writes (2 December 2005):
I feel just the same as you do. My husband (we've been married for 10 months) keeps things from his ex wife, specially from the secondo ex wife, and that makes me feel he will never be as happy with me as he was with her. It's just a feeling I get every time I find things he puts away. Maybe it's hard for me to understand that behavior since I am completely the opposite. I don't like keeping things from my past relationships because when they were over I felt those men failed to be the one for me and that makes me feel like I don't need to remember more than enough. The best thing you can do is talk to her, but don't expect her to get rid of those things, if she is that kind of person that likes to have keep-sakes, that is not gonna change. I have tried everything: talking, asking him for reason, expressing my hurt feeling but nothing has worked yet. At least you know you're not alone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2005): I think you will find that most women will keep parts of their past. Ive been maried 10 years and I still keep old valentines cards. Its part of who we are, it doesnt mean she wants to go back there. Ask her once and once only if she is over it, then let her put her memories back in her closet and get on with your lifes
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (29 July 2005):
I dont think you should try and force your girlfriend to burn the stuff if she doesnt want to, however, i dont think she should be holding on to it either.
Tell her how these things make you feel and hopefully she will get rid of them herself.
...............................
A
female
reader, jess18maine  +, writes (28 July 2005):
 I have teddy-bears, cards, love letters, dryed flowers and movie stubs all in one shoe box. I don't think i could part with that box if I tryed. I have been with Eric my new boyfriend for 8 months and I even have stuff from him in the box. It's just my special box. I don't ever look at the stuff much, but when I'm on a cleaning spree I'll go though it, or maybe just if I'm in that mood where I want to reflet on my past I'll go though it. Everytime I go though it I find myself crying and smiling and it's acatully a great feeling because deep down even thought i keep that stuff I know I want Eric and when I see sumthing in the box from Eric I smile, and I'm glad I have the old stuff from other guys because if I did'nt I would not be where I'am with Eric today. Don't worry abut her keep-sakes, us girls are just weird like that. I still have a gum wrapper that this boy gave me in high-school! I also have my first condum wrapper! It's just one of thoes things that I need to have. I call it my memory box. I bet when she goes thought her stuff the more she relizes that your the one for her. talk to her about the stuff, but don't ask her to give it up. I see things in my box from past relationships and wonder where thoes guys are today, and I think how glad i'am i went thou what i did with them because i learned sumthing in each relationship. You need to talk to your women and see why her keep-sakes are specail too her. I doubt that she keeps them because she misses what she had with thoes guys. I actully miss sum of the things I had with my old men, but not enough to ever want to give Eric up for them. It's okay to think about the past and reflet on it. Talk to your girl, I bet she'll find it sweet that "thoes little keep sakes affect you the way they do" but please don't ask her to do away with them. I can't even anwser why I could throw my stuff away I just know I can't. It would be like throwing away the past and forgetting everything that ever happened, and it's nice to just think about the good times from along time ago. Having her keep-sakes does not make her love you anyless, but it's nice that you care. and all the more reasons to create more memorys with her, maybe you will have done so many things and gotten so many things for her, that you over flow her junk draw! Talk to her hun.
...............................
|
