A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee had a very wild, promiscuous past, with guys and girls. I have dealt with that and moved on, enjoying the present. However, it recently came up that she had been with one of the girls who is still her friend today. I told her it made me uncomfortable. Turns out she has made out with most of her friends. I dont like the fact that she is currently friends with people she made out with. She says it wont happen again, that she was drunk, but she wont stop being friends with them. Am I wrong for not wanting her to be friends with people that she was with physically, or made out with? Is she wrong for wanting to still associate with them even though we are engaged?
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (13 October 2009):
 This is a bit of a tough one. I am assuming she didn't make out with these people while she was with you, but before. The argument that I would hold against you is that you knew how promiscuous she was before you made the choice to become engaged. You knew that she got around a little bit, and yet you still accept that trait in her.
The other point I have to make is the idea of girls making out with other girls. In this society, women are given the idea that they can physically associate with one another and not be considered lesbians. In other words, they make out with each other and such soley for the entertainment of...well...men. This might have been the reason why she made out with her friends. Maybe she was drunk and at a party and wanted to be the center of attention. It doesn't mean she had feelings for her friends, nor does it mean that she actually enjoyed what she was doing. It just means that she liked to give into the entire social environment. It's wrong, I know, but hey. Who said society was ever fair?
Given that point, the entire making out thing could have meant nothing at all. Or maybe it did mean something and bottom line, it just makes you feel uncomfortable. You are her fiancee however and you have every right to say what makes you feel uncomfortable. She has every right to say no to your request however. You just have to decide whether this makes you feel comfortable or not, and if you can deal with it in the future. Marriage only makes qualities in a person more magnified, and if you have a big problem with it now, you definitely will in the future.
So sit back and think if this is worth dealing with or not. She should as your fiancee take your feelings into consideration first. If she messed around with these people, she should understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable and start taking action. But her answer tells you she's not willing to do so, which leaves you with a big decision on your plate. Good luck.
A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (13 October 2009):
 You are not in the wrong at all. You shouldn't have had to ask her to stop being friends with the people she made out with! It is harder though where some are girls because some girls do that for attention from guys so it might not have meant anything! Shes not in the wrong though for still being friends with the girls, if however it didn't mean anything, she probably just doesn't want to lose her friends because when your older its hard to find new friends and so maybe shes scared! You should talk to her and make sure there was no feelings behind the making out with the girls and if not then just let it go, but where you feel uncomfortable tell her to limit them coming over or something! Definitely put your foot down on her not hanging out or talking to the guys! Good luck!
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