A
female
age
30-35,
*inful_thinker89
writes:Long story short! I don't know if I can make my relationship work. I feel miserable!!!We have a daughter together she is 1 month and 1 week today, too be honest when I first found out I was pregnant I thought our relationship was going to change for the better and truthfully it has been nothing BUT hell. I feel he emotionally cheated and though I have no proof of him physically cheating I feel he has done something. To get into detailsBack in December he started talking about how I should become friends with his co worker since really I dont have friends here. So I was telling him ok yeah sounds cool I invited her out on new years she never showed, so like a week later she was locked out of her house and he told me hey im bringing her to the house I said ok cool good thing I just cleaned up so the fact that she was coming over wasn't a problem, but when she was there the conversations they were having seemed inappropriate, then he knew i had to go to work that evening and he was going to drop me off because he had to drop her back off too so he invited her back, im pissed, didn't say anything. In the car he started talking about how he invited her to our vegas trip was going to be his friend and my girl friends ummmm im thinking why are you really inviting this girl on vaca with us?! so he drops me off at work and im talking to my co workers about it and they are both guys which didn't help because they put all kinds of ideas in my head about it. so i got home flipped out! that fight ended after that night.So later that month I find out im 6 weeks pregnant, so im thinking thats why I flipped out the first time hormones. the next month while i was sick in bed with morning sickness (and ladies if you ever had ms then you know how bad it can get) so he wrote her on facebook saying "hey beautiful just sending you some love mami" that hurt so bad. I confronted them both and she said thats just how they play around. Later that month we got into it i forgot why but his bday was in march and he said he was going out for his birthday ok, he said a few people from work was going, of course I asked who because if he said her name he knew i would be against it. He said she wasnt going. come to find out he lied she went, she called and text him. so when he came home and I seen the text talking about "sexy" i went off. he got mad at me. eff him.he changes her name in his phone to B instead of her name which I will say is "J" started deleting her messages. so at this point im just pissed off and feeling like im about to become a single mom, of course im trying to make it work for the sake of our baby. NOW ladies and gents you are going to ask why the hell im still with this guy after the last stunt he pulled, 1 day and i mean 1 day after our daughter was born he sent her a picture of her and said your stepdaughter LOL never in my life have I EVER wanted to kill someone but he was sure about to get the knife to the heart if he did not leave! mind you our daughter is in the nicu due to her being born premature. We talked everything over and I decided to move back to California and take our daughter with me. he then starts to cry and try to make me feel bad which to be honest I lost all love and respect for him. I can't stand to lay next to him or be with him. My question is, am i wrong for taking her away like that or should I try and make it work?
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female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (19 September 2011):
Sinful_thinker89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the advice! I just decided to end it and do whats best for us. Keep it simple. I'm miserable and I realize he is no good for me at all and I'd just rather not
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): you're not wrong to take your daughter away from him. he doesn't have the right to have his daughter around just for the fact of having conceived her if he's a terrible husband and by extension a terrible father.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): Thank you for putting your child before you. You are a wonderful mother and a strong, sensible person. :-)
I think it is better for your little girl to grow up under just your care, than to grow up in a household where her daddy disrespects her mother by cheating like your boyfriend has been. Little girls are likely to have relationships later in life with men who remind them of their fathers.
Please make sure you file paperwork immediately to get sole custody of and child support for your daughter. you could get in trouble for leaving the state with your daughter if your ex-boyfriend goes to the authorities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): It's totally absurd that you're even asking if you can or should try to make it work with him.
he has already stated plans to leave you and marry her. He's practically sharing your baby with her, if it were up to him (why else telling her that your baby is her step daughter?)
just what exactly do you plan to do to make this relationship work? there's nothing you can do because he has already decided he wants her so the only options you have are to accept that he will always be cheating on you, or to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): In my opinion he's been a little too friendly with this girl. Something's not right and it seems to all be a big joke to him. Sounds like you are unhappy with his lies and games . Enjoy your baby and being a new mom. I think you are doing the right thing. Ofcourse he's going to cry when you put your foot down because he can't have his cake and eat it too. It's not fair to you and your baby because your baby will feel when your stressed out and hurt. He will one day realize what he's done and be miserable that he lost his family over his childish games and co-worker. I also believe it was very disrespectful of her also to entertain him after knowing y'all were in a relationship and having a child.
Be strong, things will be better for you and your new baby. Enjoy and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 It does sound really bad as far as the possibility of cheating goes! The bottom line is here are you happy with him? If you are not your daughter will sense it and will find a way to make it her fault that Mum and Dad don't get on. Chances are you will be happier away from this guy and a happy Mum is a good Mum. Don't take away his access to his daughter if he wants to be involved but do get away from the relationship if you think it's the best thing. And trust me you do know the answer to that.
All the best doll. It will all be OK!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): From what you've said he behaved in a way which was disrespectful to you.It almost sounds like they were rubbing your nose in their 'friendship'.
To send a photo of his baby daughter to her is ok, if it was just pride..but to call her her stepdaughter is so wrong on many levels.
I know a baby puts a different angle on a relationship but the doubts you had were real and right. He should have cooled their friendship, out of respect for you,the mother of his child - but he didnt.
I hope you have a great new life in California, as for the ex,he will always be around in some form cos of your baby.Who knows,in time maybe you will rebuild the trust, but I doubt it.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Hi,
Congratulations on your new daughter!!!! Hope she's healthy...
I just want to tell you that you have the right to feel this way. I know when you don't have anybody to talk to, you get confused, specially when he makes you believe that you are wrong.
I sometimes joke with my male co-workers saying you look sexy today, etc, but I don't mean it, it's just joking around. But, his behavior was unappropriated, specially when he knows that this upset you. It's ok to joke around, be friends with co-workers, but if this bothers you, he should stop immediately. Also, this girl is very disrespectful. Sorry to say this, but I think this girl have some kind of feelings toward your husband and he's allowing this girl to behave this way. There's limit to how close you become with co-workers.
What I am wondering right now is, what does he want to do? Does he still loves you and wants go work on your marriage? If so, I think you should give him a second chance. People makes mistakes, I don't approve what he did, but if he wants to be with you, give him another chance.
Before you make any decisions, you should talk to him, make him understand how you feel about this situation. Have a nice talk, tell him what you want and expect of him. If you feel he can change, accept his mistakes, then give the marriage another try, because you said you still love him.
As for moving to california and taking your daughter with you, you didn't do anything wrong. You did what's best for you and your daughter. I know he misses his daughter, but its his fault and he should be responsible for his actions. If he doesn't agree with you, admit his mistakes, then he needs to accept the fact that hes lossing you and his daughther.
Please, be safe. Take care of yourself, your health, and your daughter. Be strong, keep positive attitude. I don't like to judge people that I don't know, but by her behavior, this girl have no class, integrity, moral, just plain ghetto, so don't waste your precious time getting mad at someone like that. I really dislike people that have no respect, and this girl clearly show that shes selfish and people like that will never go ahead in life.
Hope this helps and good luck to you. Keep us post
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A
female
reader, SleeplessNights55 +, writes (8 September 2011):
Honestly, your not in the wrong at all. I mean if you know for a fact (which everything seems to be true) that he isn't serious about this realationship and is doing all the stuff then he isn't worth it...you deserve so much better then that. You should find a guy who loves you and your daughter as well. If he doesn't realize how his daughter is important in his life. There isn't much to do. . .you are NOT wrong to take her away from him. Right now he's being immature. He is doing all these things when he should be concerned for u and the daughter. He doesn't seem to care to much until you said u were leaving. If he does something to prove u wrong or follows u then u know that he cares and wants to be there for the both of u. . . .u can try to make it work maybe one more time if u really care for the guy but don't let your daughter be the reason u stay with him that would be bad....and ur happiness matters as well as ur daughter...u deserve to be happy too. But if u decided to leave just keep in contact with him for ur daughter. She desrves to know who her dad is. So whatever you think is right...I know it sounds corny but do what u believe is good for u (and ur daughter) but mostly u. If u canmt stand him anymore then that's telling u something there....Hope I helped at least a little bit. Good luck. And hope you do what's best and everything works out for you.
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