Am I wasting precious years in this relationship?

A female age , anonymous writes:

I need some advice. I've been dating the same guy for 4.5 years. I love being with him and vs versa, but he has young children, and being that I've raised three children, I'm not interested in speding the rest of my good years raising more children. Crazy thing is, that I want more from this man, like marriage, however, it just isn't realistic because he has expectations and demands that I can't forfil, and vs versa. I lived with him on several occasions, and after awhile, I'm ready to get out of there because when I'm with him, it is all about his life and needs, as well as the kids, and I felt like my life, yard, house, friends, were just in limbo, and nothing of my own was getting done. Moreover, there just wasn't any down time. I felt guilty if I wanted to take a nap, or go to the mall. Now we are at a place where we've excepted the differences that will likely never go away. I love him and have loved him more than any man, and I just enjoy his personality, and companionship. I wont more however, because I want to one day be married again, and I think we have already determined that it would happen with eachother unless I wanted to become Susie Homemaker, and make them first and formost while trying to work, and forget about times for malls or naps, or maybe even a vacation to somewhere beside Disney World. And when we lived together, our time was after the kids went to bed, which the youngest were generally 9:30 to 10:00, but the oldest didn't go down until about 11:30 to 12:30. Our time cut into sleep time, or our time was nonexistent because of laundry and other things you have to do to keep a household functioning properly. I walked around like a zombie a couple of years, and I just couldn't do it anymore, so now I am at home alone throughout the week, and we see eachother on the weekends. This brings me to my hiccup. It is so hard to just let go when you really enjoy one another. Is it unrealistic to date others openly, and then if and when you found someone you were interested in going further with, you may then stop. I feel like I'm in limbo because I want more, but can't have it with him. If I with him, think about him, then I'm not using free time wisely to find someone that would perhaps like me just the way I am, and perhaps offer marriage, instead of ongoing dating for 4.5 years, which frankly wears me out because it is like trying to keep up two households, and usually one, like mine, gets neglected. I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt him, nor do I want to be hurt. I want to stay in it because I love him and enjoy him, but on the ohterhand I don't because I feel like I'm wasting prescious years on the one that ultimately would not be able to give me what I want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

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