A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so this is not a relationship question more of a life question.ill try keep this as short as possible and as informative as possible.so long story short, i have social anxiety very shy and basicly just want a simple life with no worries ie; steady job (wich i have more on that later) girl friend and relaxing weekends watch the football. i have all of that except the girls friend. great alls fine if pushed i could meet a girl online maby but thats not my issue. at my job, glazing company (ididnt go to college my uncle landed me the job) one of the workers sid i should be going to college getting a higher education and leave this dead end job (he 45 and didnt go to college) wich if im honest has got me thinking am i actualy wasting my life away? and am i just going to be chasing job after job all my life whilst on the dole? im 18 young single attractive might i add and got 2 thousand pounds saved up wich ive saved in 5 months thats with board and lodge to pay, sky bill to play and tax. im just steady a way nice routuine, pay day weekend and back to work.but what he said has got me thinking like i said about going to collage. id love to do history, archaelogy that sort of thing but i dont have the grades from school and with ocial anxiety i dont think i could do it, bisicly with me its not as simple as 'oh fine i might just apply to college today' with me it will be worry after worry after worry, so im contnt with a steady away life job and weekend to do my thing, wich isnt going out on the town pissing my cash up a wall, its might pop to the working mens club game of pool watch football home film dinner socialise on facebook and xbox with mates for catch up, then to and bed thats it every weekend wich is fine with me but am i wasting my life away? should i have gone to collage? if say in 10 years when im 28 and hopefully have more confidence and have lost social anxiety could i still go to collage? and make a carear? so do i have a good life? a rubbish life? or what? my school life was crap all tho i was wishing i was back, i got 11 gcse's all but one below c grade science i got b so i think im right in thinking that any completed exam (not graded U') is a pass and a gcse?please reply with opinions or similar life stories and hopefully answer my questions :) wich are incase i wasent clear;should i have gone to collage? is it realy that inportant? can i go later in life? once im more confident .and from what you have read am i wasting my life away or do i have a good life? thanksJamie
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (21 October 2011):
it sounds like you know you do want something different for your life, but you're settling for what you have and lowering your expectations because of your anxiety.
There's certainly many times when lowering expectations to be more realistic is an effective and productive way to deal with life. This is when the original ambitions are unrealistic. In this case, coming to terms with reality and learning to accept it and make peace with it can be the best way to find happiness and live well, rather than always striving to achieve something that's just not achievable and suffering from angst from not having what you want.
In other situations, lowering your expectations is 'settling' and holding yourself back. Settling means you didn't really make peace with what you have and come to truly want and find happiness in what you have, instead you just gave up in resignation.
So which is the case for your situation? To me it sounds like you are settling for your current job and life situation, because you know you do want to be doing something different, you do know that you're dissatisfied with your current situation even though you have or are trying to be happy with it, and the question is whether it's unrealistic to want something different.
Given that you don't have good enough grades at the moment and you have social anxiety, those are real obstacles that's for sure, and it's good that you're practical and realistic about that. But are they really insurmountable? are they do-able? some times the only way to know is to go ahead and try.
that said, if you decide to go for it, you want to go in with a healthy attitude so that no matter the outcome you would have gained from the experience and grown as a person. Being goal oriented is very valuable, but at the same time one shouldn't make their mental and emotional health solely dependent on one and only one specific outcome. I would say that you've already started on this journey of growth, by being self aware enough to have thought about your situation to where you can articulate it here, and by seeking opinions here. I think you're correct that your anxiety may very well be a roadblock to accomplishing what you want. Therefore, to me it seems like a logical first step is to try and tackle your social anxiety to lower it so that more opportunities will be open to you.
A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall  +, writes (21 October 2011):
Hi, Jamie,Henry Ford said, whether you think you can or you can't, you're probably right.College or not, whatever goals you set for yourself you have to decide that you can and will get them done. Take it one step at a time. Why can't you make it thru college? You made it all the way through your other schooling.Going to school and furthering your education would definitely be a good opportunity - for anyone. now is the time when you're young. Once you're away from school and get addicted to that income it's harder and harder to go back to school later in life, something you might regret.You're still young, but I wouldn't leave it too long.I was 18, working in a factory, when I decided to go back to highschool. I was working with a guy who looked like he was 60, hobbled around, had one eye poking this way, one that way. One day some bigwigs got everybody together on the floor and presented this guy with a gold watch for 25 yrs service. Then the old guy says, Yep, 20 more to go. I did the math and he was only 45! I thought he was ancient and decided right then and there that I was going back to school because I did not want to go down the same road that he did.Be what you want to be rather than what you have to be.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 not everybody goes to college and they still get on in life. This man was just trying to look out for you and set a better future for you, which was kind of him. But if you are enjoying your work at the moment well then there is nothing wrong with keeping your job and continuing to save. As for college, well if you find yourself somewhere down the line unemployed and not being able to find work well then yes off course you can go back to college and try for a better career. But if at the moment you are comfortable and happy with work well then continue to do that. Only you can judge if you have a good life or not and only you can make it better or worse for yourself. If you are happy at the moment in life well then keep doing what you are doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): Dear Jamie you must have really took what this man said to heart and cared if not, you wouldn't obviously be rethinking your life's direction . i think the important question you need to ask yourself is if you satisfied with your life ? your 18 you still have a long way to go and a few more birthdays to realize oh snap i'm 45 still working the same job .you still have time to change anything you don't like about it. one thing i can tell you is staying in your same routine with your social anxiety will not change it will just make what your doing now seem more of your "comfort zone" and as the years go by you might not want to move from it and you will come up with more reasons to not go to college or change anything.Its never to late to go to college that i assure you , is it important well... yes its how some people move higher in life and get paid more and has become more and more of a Necessity everywhere .but speaking from experience I've gone to college and during the course of 2 years have taken one year to travel and just work and go out it was great but along the way i still found my way back to school and i'm in my last semester now once out people always say its hard to get back in but really its not its just a matter of you really wanting something different for yourself .college gets you to meet tons of people trust me and it gives you tons of experiences in so many unbelievable ways. so when your ready school will still be there for you as an option . and for the record your life doesn't sound that far from my own time away from college so its not bad think of it as your own "travel time " just make it worth it .
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