A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some advise, I feel like there's something wrong with me??I always compare my personality to other girls. When I over here girls talking sometimes I think to myself, 'She's so much funnier than I am, 'I would never think of saying that' etc. I feel like I have nothing unique about my personality. Even though I know I do deep down but I can't find it :( I don't know who I am anymore. And cos of this I've lost confidence to act myself - partly because I don't know who myself is. It's weird because if I meet someone new and really click with them I think 'Oh yes I have finally found someone I can be myself with! :) ' But then once I've seen them a couple more times it suddenly feels awkward and I lose that spark in me to be myself :( And I suddenly can't think of anything to say anymore and it gets an awkward atmosphere and we lose the close bond we had for good :(I just don't know if I have a socialising problem that I havent been diagnosed with or something!?I would really appreciate some advise! thank you :)
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female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 The best advice I can give is the old cliche, "be yourself." Realize your strengths and weaknesses and be confident in them - yes, even the weaknesses - because in the end, they're uniquely you. It's not bad to observe others, because in the process you can learn things about yourself. It becomes a bad habit when you keep wishing you were that person or had their personality. I bet you, the funny thing you overheard some girl say, you would have a wittier/funnier/better response because it came from YOU, it wasn't a borrowed or forced idea from someone else. You might not see the unique/special things about your personality (because you're your harshest critic) but you have to be confident so other people can see how great of a personality you do have. So stop thinking negatively, and stop comparing yourself to others. KNOW and BELIEVE that you've got a personality worth something!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 If you don't know what to say, take confidence in knowing that among two who care for each other words are not needed. You can be quiet, and still enjoy each others company. That's what a friend once said to me when I said I didn't have anything else to say.
I think often we think of ourselves as some sort of entertainment. We are to entertain others, keep them interested, make them laugh, be fun to be around, be smart, be fascinating. But really? We're not some clowns meant to entertain others. If others find you interesting or pleasurable to be around they aren't expecting jokes or funny comments at everything. Sure a clown has a crowd surrounding them, but real deep and meaningful associations, like friendships? Maybe the clown doesn't have as many, and certainly not more than a regular human being does.
When I was young, as you can read on my profile article, I didn't have feelings or connected with others. There were those I found a quick connection with that lasted for a few times, a few laughs, when I could be myself. And then it fizzled out, they found someone more interesting, I couldn't keep up with competition, nor was I interested in competing. But then again I found that there were some people who I just spoke to briefly.. who I spoke to again later on. And slowly something formed. Slowly the ones I didn't initially think of as someone I'd want in my life, slowly they became part of it. And slowly they became friends, life-long friends. But they needed some years to get into that position. And they learned to know me, and wanted to know me, just as boring and uninteresting as I am.
You do have you very own special personality. Of course you can't see it or define it, because you aren't on the outside looking at yourself. You're not in a position to make an objective observation/comparison, are you?
When I was young I too observed others, seeing how they behaved. I learned from observation, like we all do by instinct. By instead of comparing I adopted. Maybe not a great thing at all times, but I'd adopt what others were doing. If someone said something funny I'd never think of myself I tried to remember it so I could say it myself at a later time. It was a hit and miss game in my case, where things were said at inappropriate times. But that's how you learn. My point is that... maybe instead of thinking you are worse than them, or that they are better, you can think "she's so funny, I want to be a funny person too" and then remember the jokes and learn some jokes and work on being that funny person that you want to be.
In the end YOU create who you are. Just follow what comes naturally though, don't go against yourself, but if you want to be a person who spreads joy and makes others laugh you can definitely become that sort of person. It's all in your hands.
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