A
female
age
30-35,
*jusayin
writes:Im going to try to keep this as brief as i can lolI met this guy at a party about 4 weeks ago hes 25 im 20. He asked me for my number which i was was very shocked at because i didnt think he was looking at me like that. During the night we played beer pong together talked and laughed at one point he was joking around and put his arm around my shoulders i was kind of like okay lol i knew he was a little drunk and he was cute so i didnt freak out. By the end the night he asked my for my number and i gave it to him because i thought he was sweet. i didnt expect him to text me though after because like i said he was a little drunk. About a week later he texted me and told me he was going crabbing and if i wanted to go i could (in those exact words). So i took a friend and we met up with him his aunt was there and i met her. We didnt really get to conversate much but i always would feel him looking at me for short periods of time not like in a creepy way though. Everytime i would talk, his eyes would look straight into mine. Later that night i hung out with him in his room at a barracks (he's SGT in the army) he seemed a little embarrassed he lived there but i told him i didnt care. I was a little hesistant though because i didnt know what his intentions were and i flat out told him i wasnt trying to do anything sexual. He assured me he wasnt goin to try and have sex with me so i took his word for it. about 30 min after i just ended up going up there. He threw on a movie and in my head i was thinking "i know where this is goin" we watched about 30 minutes of the movie the rest was us making out. I was making him wait a little longer so didnt seem desperate. After it was getting kind of late so i decided to go home plus he was falling asleep on me. But he still didnt want me to go and would lay on top of me and playfully whine but after he walked me down to my car hugged me and i left.During the week i noticed he wasnt calling or even texting to say hi or whatever. By the end of the week a friend of his told me he wasnt much of a phone person which made since because he would take like an hour to text back. But anyways by friday i just decided to text him hi and to see what he was up to. He didnt have anything planned and he asked me what i was doing. I didnt have anthing planned lol so i suggeseted we could go out to eat. He was excited and told me about his italian resturant we set a time and went. At the resturaant i found out that we had a lot in common it was funny though to watch him eat. He ate like he hadnt eaten in years. He would laugh at my jokes and told me i was the coolest person and i was cute etc. After we went to my friends house for a nitecap she told me that his eyes were on me the whole time and that she thought he was really into me. One of his friends said that he talked about me when I wasn't around too.Heres where it all goes downhill and gets confusing. When we got back to his car that night i mentioned his texting habits and asked if he just wanted me to text or call him when we could hang because i knew he was really busy during the week. He paused then told me that the reason he hadnt been texting me is because he didnt want to lead me on into thinking we were going to be serious. Mainly because he was getting out in december and going to school at WSU which where we live is 3 hours west(were in WASH STATE). Mind you i already knew he was leaving but it still kinda hurt that he said that. I felt like he put me in a category of hook ups. I told him that i knew he was leaving already but that doesnt mean that we still couldnt hang out. He told me that he enjoyed being around me and that he has fun with me and doesnt mind hanging out with me and goin on dates. I told him that im not the type to have casual sex with guys he understood then we made out a little lol. After he kissed me on the lips goodbye i left.Week 4On friday this passed week i called him to see what was up we hadnt talked over the week like always His phone was off so i didnt get to be with him on friday. But the next day in the afternoon he texted me back to see what i was doing. This is how the convo wentHim: just got back a little while agoMe:well what are you doing now im so nosey :PHim: just ate What are you doing?Me: working my late shiftHim: so your at workMe: yeahHim: ohh and you gotta go home after :(Me: NoHim: come and hang then if you wantSo i get there and chatted yadda yadda i go up to his room we start making out again this time we were on his bed and it got pretty intense we made it to 2nd base he took his shirt off then right when he was about to take my pants off i stopped him and said "Can I tell You something" He goes "what?" I go "im a Virgin" He goes really? i go Yeah lol He asked me if i cared i said kinda because i didnt really feel comfortable being naked with him plus i felt we were moving way to fast. and he's not even my boyfriend and probably never will be. He told me that we dont have to sex we can do other things. Which i think he was refering to third base XO. I told him no im not comfortable. He climbed off me and a little later i left. When we got to my car he hugged me and i left.These last few weeeks have been really confusing to me mainly because i feel like im wasting my time with him since he's not available to commit in a relationship. what should i do should i end it. what's your opinion on this situation? is he using me?
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at work, drunk, period, second base, text, third base Reply to this Question
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (22 August 2012):
Ajusayin, unfortunately all the sings indicate that this guy is only interested in sex, and not a relationship. I feel strongly that this is not the right guy for you. I'm sure you have had plenty of opportunities to have sex by now, yet you have chose to remain a virgin because waiting means something to you. You want your first time to be special.
I'm afraid you are wasting your time with this guy. He is trying to use you for sex, and keeping his distance so you know he is not available for a relationship. Your best move here is to cut contact with him and move on.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 August 2012):
Hi there. It does honestly seem like he only wants the sex or "making out" bit of your friendship.
He has mentioned he wasn't ready for a serious relationship at the moment, and probably because he is leaving the Army soon as you have said here, and so he doesn't want any serious commitment with anyone right now.
So because he has told you that, it would seem that perhaps you could be wasting your time, as you and him are not quite on the same page.
You might be ready for a relationship if the right person came along, however he isn't at that point in his life.
And you don't want to lose your virginity to just any old guy who comes along and shows you some affection.
It's a much better option, for you to wait until you meet someone who really is ready for a relationship now.
And by that I mean when you meet someone special, that you wait until they have earned that kind of physical commitment from you and they must be a guy whom you can trust completely, and who treats you well and with respect and dignity.
And the guy must also take you out on a regular basis and spend some money on you as well.
To lose your virginity is a big commitment, and so you don't want to give it away to someone who doesn't treat you well.
Or to anyone who wasn't prepared to commit to you, the way you would like them to.
So the moment needs to be special and with someone very special indeed.
And that special moment, would be when you have been seeing a guy for a few months, and you feel that you love them and they love you.
Even if a guy didn't say - "I Love You" - in so many words, you can tell how a man is feeling about you by the way he talks to you and by how he treats you generally.
It always seems pretty clear when a guy is really into you in a big way - there are always signs, however those signs will not be there right away.
It could be 2 months or more, before you start to see how they are feeling, just by their actions alone.
It's probably not necessary to end it officially with him, because you could be just friends.
However, it does seem that as soon as you see each other, the making out begins, doesn't it?
So that point alone, seems to say volumes about what he is apparently feeling towards you.
Yes, he seems to like you alright, although beyond the making out side of things, there isn't much else happening, is there really?
It seems to point towards the idea that it's mostly about making out, and not much more.
And from what you also said here, you have a sense of that being the case, don't you?
So you are listening, to that little voice inside your head, which is placing some doubt in your mind.
It's always wise to listen to those intuitive thoughts that come to us from time to time, because they never ever lead us in the wrong direction.
They really are our driving force in life.
Whenever there is some doubt - no matter how tiny it might be - it's always very wise to listen to those doubts, because they always ring true.
Our intuition is always looking out for our welfare, and it keeps us safe, always.
So you really DO need to listen to those doubts you are feeling, because if you don't, you will most likely have a very big disappointment - sooner rather than later.
At the moment, it seems clear that you are of two minds right now - whether to end it with him, OR, whether to keep on seeing him and just "hope" that he might change his mind and magically decide to commit to a relationship with you, soon.
Realistically though, because of the fact he is leaving the Army fairly soon and moving away, it doesn't seem like he will change his mind anytime soon, I'm sorry to say.
So in the meantime, DON'T text him or call him first if you don't hear from him for a few days or a week.
Instead, no matter how long the gap between his last text message to you and the next one, still wait until he does decide to either call or text you.
The more you persist in texting him to get an answer to your text, or simply to talk with him, well then the more desperate and needy it can make you look, which can actually push a guy away from you, emotionally.
The more you pursue him, the more he might retreat and back away a little.
And that's not what you want, is it?
And the next time he does either text or call you to see him, it might be wise to NOT go beyond a little bit of kissing.
The reason being, is that you don't want to get to a place where you feel you are out of control of the situation.
You need to be in control of your life at all times.
And if he gets angry with you because you stop him as he tries to go further with you, well then it might then be time for you to get up and go home - right then and there.
The main thing is you DO NOT want him to feel that he can simply use you whenever he feels the need.
You deserve much more than that, surely.
And what's more, you KNOW you do, already - don't you?
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A
female
reader, Romanilove +, writes (22 August 2012):
It seems like you are very genuine. He's probably playing some games. I wouldn't make this guy the only option. If he asks you to hang out then go, otherwise i would try to hold off initiating contact. It seems he is into the idea of a non-committed hook up. Beings thats not what you want, don't give in to him. Its really important and a terrific quality that you have your boundaries straight. example- not sleeping with him bc you aren;t comfortable. So as of now, I would take it slowly. He is leaving, so don;t get your hopes up this way you don't end up hurt.
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